I am so ready for a few weeks of no drama. Its been one thing after another lately. So, just over two weeks ago on friday I woke to an email from Timo telling me my oma (his mum) was not doing well and that the doctors had said it was only a matter of hours.
So here I am trying to work out how to get passports organised, can I fly with two babies... what is involved etc. We decide that really I won't make it intime anyway and it is just too much to fly over with the girls for the funeral.
5 minutes after finishing the phonecall in which we made this decision I get a call from a childcare centre: I have 4 days childcare for both girls starting the end of January. (thats the good news)
The following Sunday Timo calls to let me know Oma has passed away and he will be leaving for Sittard the next day to organise everything and will be uncontactable for a bit. This I understand.
I spend most of the week at home. I had a lovely week with the girls. They have started rolling. Caitlin can roll from back to front via both left and right side, and back to her back via both sides. Emma can go from back to front via both sides, but hasn't quite figured out how to get back onto her back yet. On Thursday day I went to mothersgroup which was very nice. I came home about an hour before the 4pm feed.
Oh, thats something else. The girls feeding patterns have changed quite dramatically from when they were first born (as you'd expect). They now sleep normally from 7:30-ish until 5am - 6:30 am). They have a feed between 6 -7 am, then 9:30-10:00 am, then 1:00 pm, then 4pm then 7:00 - 7:15pm ish after which they go back to bed. They also started solids about 3-4 weeks ago.
Back to the story:
The 4pm feed went ok, until half way through Caitlin started to shake all over. Scary to see. This went on for about 2-3 minutes I think. It seemed like forever and I didn't have a clock to really time it. Called the GP after it happened, and then on their advise called 000. We went to the Mater Childrens emergency by ambulance where she was checked out and she is ok now. We need to have an EEG to determine if she might have child epilepsy and we're waiting to find out when that will be.
09 December 2008
20 November 2008
A diseased household
Well its been a while, Life has been 'interesting' in the Nutley residence. About 3 weeks ago now I came down with a flu which caused Duane to stay home and look after the girls. It truly knocked me about.
Then last week on Friday Caitlin was really fussy. Towards the end of the day Emma had joined in and I was totally convinced they had started teething (again - them teeth keep popping up and down, never breaking through). On Saturday we had snotty noses, gunked up eyes and a temperature so off to the doctors we went. Yep - its viral - keep an eye on them and it should slowly improve over time.
Now Duane is on my case regulary that I need to ask for help more often. I don't agree with that and told him numerous times that I'll ask for help when it is REALLY needed, and not just because I'm getting a tat tired. Well, on Friday I decided enough is enough, Caitlin had been in my arms crying for a good hour and a half and I needed to change Emma, and I had groceries on the counter I couldn't put away because I couldn't put Caitlin down at all. So I called Duane and asked him to organise some help for me asap. This is when he 'finally' realised asking for help is not as easy as it sounds. Whom can you really approach to come and help you at the drop of a hat in the middle of a working day? People just are not that readily available. Give them a days warning and all is good and people are able and willing to come to our aid... unfortunately things don't work that way with babies... they cry when they want to, not when it is convenient.
Anyways, back to the story of this post.
Both Emma and Caitlin got slightly worse on Sunday, but not enough to worry me. Duane had organised help for me for Monday (thank you Lindy and Helen!!)and Tuesday (Thank you Sue!!). Then it came to Wednesday and Les & Ruth came down to help, in spite of both of them recuperating from some sun-spot removal procedures. Can't keep the grandparents away from their sick grandchildren :)
During daytime the girls would improve quite significantly but at night they would start coughing and coughing and wake up from it. This resulted ofcourse in Duane and I getting less sleep than when they were first born and when I also started to develop a cold again on tuesday and Duane got the symptoms I had two weeks earlier.... it is hard to keep going.
So onto Wednesday (yesterday). Duane at work, and me not entirely sure what is going on with the girls. They were in principle improving, but they had coughing fits which would not be out of place on a chainsmoker with a 50 year habit. We couldn't have dinner normally, and at 7:00 the girls were in bed and sleeping - kinda - At 7:45 Caitlin woke up with major coughing and a blocked nose again. Duane decided to cave and get a humidifier (this is a bit of a weird thing - the doctors don't seem to know whether it is good or not - they mention it, then say it could do good and harm, just to try if you are game to do so) This seemed to help Caitlin. However, the increased humidity in the air sent Emma into a coughing frenzy. After about 20 minutes (and she had been removed from the room for atleast 15) we called 13Health to ask for advise on what to do. The rains had started by that time (did I mention we had torrential rains last night? no?I'll get to that later). The lady on the other end of the line told me after about 5 minutes of 'probing' questions to take the girls to the nearest emergency as soon as possible. Which is what we ended up doing. We got to Wesley Emergency in Auchenflower and the girls were seen to rather quickly and just before midnight we were driving back along the centenary motorway when we were forced into a near-flooded lane due to an accident on the side of the road. The rain was bucketing down.
We came home, gave the girls a feed and put them to bed. They went down well and I was in bed fairly shortly thereafter. I was so tired, I hadn't had a decent nights sleep in 3 nights and I had a cold which was getting worse. I hadn't been in bed for 10 minutes when Duane told me there was water in the garage. Our first thought was that something wasn't fixed right when the hot water system was replaced earlier this year and removed from the garage. We moved some cupboards, but the walls were completely dry, just half an inch of water and more coming in. So we went looking on the other side of the wall. We could see water was pooling the moment we opened the laundry door, and when I stepped out it was well above my enkle. Opened the side gate (to create more room for the water to flow to the road) and I started to use a broom to sweep the water out to the road. Part of the retaining wall between us and our next door neighbour has come down, which caused the problems. We worked together until about 2 am to get most of the water out. Then a shower and to bed.
This week is a write-off. Hopefully things will look up a bit next week. Even writing this I feel odd, people in other suburbs have lost their houses due to the rain/weather this week so really I'm complaining over nothing.... just jot that one down to me being rather tired and desparately in need of a break.
Hope you all had a good week :)
Then last week on Friday Caitlin was really fussy. Towards the end of the day Emma had joined in and I was totally convinced they had started teething (again - them teeth keep popping up and down, never breaking through). On Saturday we had snotty noses, gunked up eyes and a temperature so off to the doctors we went. Yep - its viral - keep an eye on them and it should slowly improve over time.
Now Duane is on my case regulary that I need to ask for help more often. I don't agree with that and told him numerous times that I'll ask for help when it is REALLY needed, and not just because I'm getting a tat tired. Well, on Friday I decided enough is enough, Caitlin had been in my arms crying for a good hour and a half and I needed to change Emma, and I had groceries on the counter I couldn't put away because I couldn't put Caitlin down at all. So I called Duane and asked him to organise some help for me asap. This is when he 'finally' realised asking for help is not as easy as it sounds. Whom can you really approach to come and help you at the drop of a hat in the middle of a working day? People just are not that readily available. Give them a days warning and all is good and people are able and willing to come to our aid... unfortunately things don't work that way with babies... they cry when they want to, not when it is convenient.
Anyways, back to the story of this post.
Both Emma and Caitlin got slightly worse on Sunday, but not enough to worry me. Duane had organised help for me for Monday (thank you Lindy and Helen!!)and Tuesday (Thank you Sue!!). Then it came to Wednesday and Les & Ruth came down to help, in spite of both of them recuperating from some sun-spot removal procedures. Can't keep the grandparents away from their sick grandchildren :)
During daytime the girls would improve quite significantly but at night they would start coughing and coughing and wake up from it. This resulted ofcourse in Duane and I getting less sleep than when they were first born and when I also started to develop a cold again on tuesday and Duane got the symptoms I had two weeks earlier.... it is hard to keep going.
So onto Wednesday (yesterday). Duane at work, and me not entirely sure what is going on with the girls. They were in principle improving, but they had coughing fits which would not be out of place on a chainsmoker with a 50 year habit. We couldn't have dinner normally, and at 7:00 the girls were in bed and sleeping - kinda - At 7:45 Caitlin woke up with major coughing and a blocked nose again. Duane decided to cave and get a humidifier (this is a bit of a weird thing - the doctors don't seem to know whether it is good or not - they mention it, then say it could do good and harm, just to try if you are game to do so) This seemed to help Caitlin. However, the increased humidity in the air sent Emma into a coughing frenzy. After about 20 minutes (and she had been removed from the room for atleast 15) we called 13Health to ask for advise on what to do. The rains had started by that time (did I mention we had torrential rains last night? no?I'll get to that later). The lady on the other end of the line told me after about 5 minutes of 'probing' questions to take the girls to the nearest emergency as soon as possible. Which is what we ended up doing. We got to Wesley Emergency in Auchenflower and the girls were seen to rather quickly and just before midnight we were driving back along the centenary motorway when we were forced into a near-flooded lane due to an accident on the side of the road. The rain was bucketing down.
We came home, gave the girls a feed and put them to bed. They went down well and I was in bed fairly shortly thereafter. I was so tired, I hadn't had a decent nights sleep in 3 nights and I had a cold which was getting worse. I hadn't been in bed for 10 minutes when Duane told me there was water in the garage. Our first thought was that something wasn't fixed right when the hot water system was replaced earlier this year and removed from the garage. We moved some cupboards, but the walls were completely dry, just half an inch of water and more coming in. So we went looking on the other side of the wall. We could see water was pooling the moment we opened the laundry door, and when I stepped out it was well above my enkle. Opened the side gate (to create more room for the water to flow to the road) and I started to use a broom to sweep the water out to the road. Part of the retaining wall between us and our next door neighbour has come down, which caused the problems. We worked together until about 2 am to get most of the water out. Then a shower and to bed.
This week is a write-off. Hopefully things will look up a bit next week. Even writing this I feel odd, people in other suburbs have lost their houses due to the rain/weather this week so really I'm complaining over nothing.... just jot that one down to me being rather tired and desparately in need of a break.
Hope you all had a good week :)
04 November 2008
Language development and learning
First of all, I realised I haven't updated this thing for a while. The girls grow so fast and learn new things every week. They had their 4 month check-up and all is well. They had their immunisations and besides a few tears, no problems at all. Duane and I are really settling into this mummy-and-daddy stuff. It truly is rather cool.
What is so cool? I've always been amazed by the learning process of babies/children etc. They come out knowing nothing and in a few short years they learn to communicate, move, coordination, cause-and-effect, etc. Pretty nifty if you ask me :)
Now we have two babies, and it is even funkier to see the differences between them.
Emma:
She is still the smaller of the two, she weighs about 1kg less than Caitlin and is about 3cm shorter. Her vocabulary at this point in time consists of a "Ggrrrr" in the back of her throat, a pfft (rasberry),"arr", a loud laugh and a cute giggle.
She is not too keen on rolling, but she discovered today she can get herself onto her tummy. Hasn't figured out how to move the bottom arm into a more comfortable position so we need to help her with that. Her hand-eye coordination is good, her head control is excelent. She sits firmly with help (balance is missing but the strength is there). When playing with different objects she uses both hands to grab hold of things. When we place her on her tummy she can keep her head up well. She doesn't really push through the arms yet, it would be rather early for it. She can stand on both legs for a few seconds with assistance. moving around is not really an issue for Emma. She will rotate around her own axle, and has this funny way of throwing her legs and bottom in the air and moving a few cm. There is not much coordination in it yet, the direction of movement is not really predictable for anyone (including her) and she runs into her sis regulary.
Caitlin:
Has a great vocab: "Grrrr" and "Pfft" have been on the repetoir for a while. On the weekend she discovered "oooww" and today she had an epiphany: She can talk without opening her mouth. Its the biggest joke ever and it makes her giggle and laugh. so now we also have "HMMMMMM". (well its more of a "HMmmmm-m-m-hmg-ggg-ha-ha-ha". We have ofcourse "AAHHhh" and "AAhhrr" and the giggle and laugh. She has been able to roll from her tummy onto her back for a few weeks, however, when it happens it still is mostly accidental and then it turns into a game. She can turn onto her tummy and has for a few weeks now, she also has not figured out the freeing up of the bottom arm and doesn't seem too interested in that to be honest. She will grab for things and use both hands, but mostly she is just happy flailing and having accidental hits on the toys we have on a dangly string near them in the play-pen.
oh, and both the girls are strong: Mr Lion and Mrs Rabbit are thrown about quite a bit, and quite some distance. Which really is an achievement: Those stuffed animals are nearly half the size of either girl.
The cutest thing is that they have discovered eachother. They are making sounds to eachother and reaching out and touching eachothers hands. Not all the time, and not very often at the same time (which is rather sad for the one who is trying to engage the other in conversation...).
Oh and lastly: That feeling everyone keeps telling you you should have as a mother the first time you look at your baby? It finally happened last week. It wasn't that I didn't love my girls, I sure have, but this all absorbing, "oh-how-cute-are-you-and-you-are-my-daughter" feeling didn't happen until last week. I wasn't worried, I knew it would happen, I just thought to mention it so I could disspell the myth of "instant motherly love" which makes so many new mums feel guilty because it so often doesn't happen straight away.
What is so cool? I've always been amazed by the learning process of babies/children etc. They come out knowing nothing and in a few short years they learn to communicate, move, coordination, cause-and-effect, etc. Pretty nifty if you ask me :)
Now we have two babies, and it is even funkier to see the differences between them.
Emma:
She is still the smaller of the two, she weighs about 1kg less than Caitlin and is about 3cm shorter. Her vocabulary at this point in time consists of a "Ggrrrr" in the back of her throat, a pfft (rasberry),"arr", a loud laugh and a cute giggle.
She is not too keen on rolling, but she discovered today she can get herself onto her tummy. Hasn't figured out how to move the bottom arm into a more comfortable position so we need to help her with that. Her hand-eye coordination is good, her head control is excelent. She sits firmly with help (balance is missing but the strength is there). When playing with different objects she uses both hands to grab hold of things. When we place her on her tummy she can keep her head up well. She doesn't really push through the arms yet, it would be rather early for it. She can stand on both legs for a few seconds with assistance. moving around is not really an issue for Emma. She will rotate around her own axle, and has this funny way of throwing her legs and bottom in the air and moving a few cm. There is not much coordination in it yet, the direction of movement is not really predictable for anyone (including her) and she runs into her sis regulary.
Caitlin:
Has a great vocab: "Grrrr" and "Pfft" have been on the repetoir for a while. On the weekend she discovered "oooww" and today she had an epiphany: She can talk without opening her mouth. Its the biggest joke ever and it makes her giggle and laugh. so now we also have "HMMMMMM". (well its more of a "HMmmmm-m-m-hmg-ggg-ha-ha-ha". We have ofcourse "AAHHhh" and "AAhhrr" and the giggle and laugh. She has been able to roll from her tummy onto her back for a few weeks, however, when it happens it still is mostly accidental and then it turns into a game. She can turn onto her tummy and has for a few weeks now, she also has not figured out the freeing up of the bottom arm and doesn't seem too interested in that to be honest. She will grab for things and use both hands, but mostly she is just happy flailing and having accidental hits on the toys we have on a dangly string near them in the play-pen.
oh, and both the girls are strong: Mr Lion and Mrs Rabbit are thrown about quite a bit, and quite some distance. Which really is an achievement: Those stuffed animals are nearly half the size of either girl.
The cutest thing is that they have discovered eachother. They are making sounds to eachother and reaching out and touching eachothers hands. Not all the time, and not very often at the same time (which is rather sad for the one who is trying to engage the other in conversation...).
Oh and lastly: That feeling everyone keeps telling you you should have as a mother the first time you look at your baby? It finally happened last week. It wasn't that I didn't love my girls, I sure have, but this all absorbing, "oh-how-cute-are-you-and-you-are-my-daughter" feeling didn't happen until last week. I wasn't worried, I knew it would happen, I just thought to mention it so I could disspell the myth of "instant motherly love" which makes so many new mums feel guilty because it so often doesn't happen straight away.
22 September 2008
3 months update
Emma and Caitlin are about 3.5months old now. They are growing really well. They have more than doubled their weight since birth and recently they have started 'talking'. Sleep is good, and luckely they agree with us on that front. Since they were about 8 weeks old they have been sleeping from 7:30 pm to 2:00 am no problems. Nowadays the 2:00 am feed is moving slowly closer and closer to the 6 am feed. They often wake up close to 4:00 am. I'm really hopeful we might loose the 4 am feed soon once they start sleeping through until 6. For those without kids, you don't realise how much this sleep deprivation thing really knocks you for six until you have newborns in the house.
They are interacting and showing more and more of their personalities. This is amazing to see, and really cute. Every once in a while they seem to notice eachother and poke their tongues out at one another or make little sounds at one another. I can just melt when that happens :)
Emma is the more gutsy of the two. She is on the whole a really happy baby. Doesn't cry much at all. However, when she isn't happy she is not backwards about being forwards. Her smile is so georgeous, it lights up her face and is totally adorable. She still has periods of "newborn-ness" where she stares off into space not noticing much of anything. She is also the smaller of the two, yet her development of movement she is a bit further advanced than Caitlin. She is better at lifting her head, and she is better at reaching for and grabbing hold of things.
Caitlin is the larger and older of the two (by about a minute). She now knows familiar faces from strangers and isn't too sure what to make of people she doesn't recognise. She scares easely, but is also relatively easy to calm down when she gets upset. New noises, new things etc she gets a bit upset. The other day Duane immitated a phone (prrt...prrt) and she got a real fright. Caitlin is more 'alert' than Emma, She really recognises different people and remembers them for longer. She is also more coy/shy. Where Emmas face starts smiling bigtime, Caitlins smile starts small and then works its way across her face to be atleast as radient as the smiles Emma gives. She has a larger 'vocab' of sounds, and tries to imitate more. She is not as physically advanced as Emma. Lifting her head is not something she is really good at yet, but then again, she has a bigger head than Emma so its a lot more work.
Today we had our first swimming lesson and both girls really enjoyed it. After a while Caitlin really had enough and started crying. I'm sure she'll enjoy it again next time tho. it also looks like both girls have started teething. A bit early, but if thats happening it explains the stream of saliver, the gnawing on the hands and the irritability.
Caitlin talking to papa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guwKHS7B7BU
Emma Laughing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjUqJTMB4m8
Playing is so exhausting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oA7kKYNhSFo
They are interacting and showing more and more of their personalities. This is amazing to see, and really cute. Every once in a while they seem to notice eachother and poke their tongues out at one another or make little sounds at one another. I can just melt when that happens :)
Emma is the more gutsy of the two. She is on the whole a really happy baby. Doesn't cry much at all. However, when she isn't happy she is not backwards about being forwards. Her smile is so georgeous, it lights up her face and is totally adorable. She still has periods of "newborn-ness" where she stares off into space not noticing much of anything. She is also the smaller of the two, yet her development of movement she is a bit further advanced than Caitlin. She is better at lifting her head, and she is better at reaching for and grabbing hold of things.
Caitlin is the larger and older of the two (by about a minute). She now knows familiar faces from strangers and isn't too sure what to make of people she doesn't recognise. She scares easely, but is also relatively easy to calm down when she gets upset. New noises, new things etc she gets a bit upset. The other day Duane immitated a phone (prrt...prrt) and she got a real fright. Caitlin is more 'alert' than Emma, She really recognises different people and remembers them for longer. She is also more coy/shy. Where Emmas face starts smiling bigtime, Caitlins smile starts small and then works its way across her face to be atleast as radient as the smiles Emma gives. She has a larger 'vocab' of sounds, and tries to imitate more. She is not as physically advanced as Emma. Lifting her head is not something she is really good at yet, but then again, she has a bigger head than Emma so its a lot more work.
Today we had our first swimming lesson and both girls really enjoyed it. After a while Caitlin really had enough and started crying. I'm sure she'll enjoy it again next time tho. it also looks like both girls have started teething. A bit early, but if thats happening it explains the stream of saliver, the gnawing on the hands and the irritability.
Caitlin talking to papa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guwKHS7B7BU
Emma Laughing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjUqJTMB4m8
Playing is so exhausting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oA7kKYNhSFo
09 September 2008
Mum of twins
The girls are 12 weeks this week, one more week and they are officially 3 months and we'll stop counting weeks and start counting months. Its funny how that works. When you are pregnant you count in weeks. Then when you deliver you start counting days, then weeks and now we're upgrading to months :)
The girls are doing great and life has changed somewhat. I've joined a mothers group at the child health clinic. The clinic itself is amazingly good at making me feel inadequate and a horrible mother. Also, they (the girls) have dropped a feed and since I've been concerned with their weight-gain. I'm going to be happy once we see some good gains again. The girls look healthy tho, and there is absolutely nothing wrong except for this cold they have picked up from Duane.
So rather than look at the girls, I thought I'd use this review point to look at myself and how I'm doing. Not as interesting for you all as reading about the girls I'm sure, but something important for me to do. As most of you know I've suffered the effects of post traumatic stress disorder for quite a number of years now, and mostly I'm able to manage really well. I've not needed medication and/or therapy for more than 13 years. Hec, I even went through the whole infertility business without needing additional support. Emotionally I'm doing good. I've not had any major "bad spells" since giving birth, I've been surprisingly upbeat and together actually. I've been coping far better than I thought I would. Duane sais I should be proud of myself, but it is hard to be proud of something that is the way it should be in the first place.
I've identified something in myself which I don't know how to deal with. I don't mind asking for help, but only if something is of the nature that I feel that getting help is justified. I feel awkward asking people to come and help me with the girls when Duane is away as they are our responsibility and I shouldn't need to trouble others with that. The short of it is that the actual 'care' for the girls is not that hard. Changing a nappy, washing them, feeding them etc. It is the attention they require that makes it challenging and that bit is the fun part.
So really when I ask for help it is not for them, it is more for me because I feel lonely and need interaction and that is where it becomes hard to ask. I have no problems asking if it is for them, but asking something for me? now thats hard. It feels like imposing on people for the wrong reasons and using the girls as an argument which feels wrong.
For some reason I've cultivated the attitude of "if-people-want-me-around-they'll-ask-me-and-if-they-don't,-they-obviously-don't-want-me-around-so-I'm-better-off-staying-away-and-not-troubling-them" for a LONG time eventhough it is not logical I feel really selfconsious and awkward contacting people
Then there is the perfectionist in me who keeps telling me that if I can do a good job at work normally I should be able to run a neat household as well. It can't be 'that' hard right?
So between the two of those I get exhausted and I still feel like I don't give the girls what they are entitled to aspecially when they are both upset and need settling and I'm home alone. Yesterday morning I sat on the floor bawling my eyes out because both of them were terribly upset, I couldn't work out what was wrong with either of them and I just felt like I failed them, myself, Duane and mostly I felt like I was a terrible mother.
So what do I do? I feel sorry for myself for a bit, then pick myself up, give myself a mental kick up the bottom and keep going. What else is there to do right?
ok, thats me done bearing my soul.. hec most of you whom have seen me feed the girls have seen my boobs, why not right?
On a different note: Something I've heard a lot lately: "Geez, you don't look like the mother of twins". I've been thinking about this a lot. What would a mother of twins look like, how would you recognise one in the street? Are we supposed to grow a second head? Maybe a third breast? different skin tone? A look in our eyes that shows we're close to insanity?... I'd love to know *grins*
The girls are doing great and life has changed somewhat. I've joined a mothers group at the child health clinic. The clinic itself is amazingly good at making me feel inadequate and a horrible mother. Also, they (the girls) have dropped a feed and since I've been concerned with their weight-gain. I'm going to be happy once we see some good gains again. The girls look healthy tho, and there is absolutely nothing wrong except for this cold they have picked up from Duane.
So rather than look at the girls, I thought I'd use this review point to look at myself and how I'm doing. Not as interesting for you all as reading about the girls I'm sure, but something important for me to do. As most of you know I've suffered the effects of post traumatic stress disorder for quite a number of years now, and mostly I'm able to manage really well. I've not needed medication and/or therapy for more than 13 years. Hec, I even went through the whole infertility business without needing additional support. Emotionally I'm doing good. I've not had any major "bad spells" since giving birth, I've been surprisingly upbeat and together actually. I've been coping far better than I thought I would. Duane sais I should be proud of myself, but it is hard to be proud of something that is the way it should be in the first place.
I've identified something in myself which I don't know how to deal with. I don't mind asking for help, but only if something is of the nature that I feel that getting help is justified. I feel awkward asking people to come and help me with the girls when Duane is away as they are our responsibility and I shouldn't need to trouble others with that. The short of it is that the actual 'care' for the girls is not that hard. Changing a nappy, washing them, feeding them etc. It is the attention they require that makes it challenging and that bit is the fun part.
So really when I ask for help it is not for them, it is more for me because I feel lonely and need interaction and that is where it becomes hard to ask. I have no problems asking if it is for them, but asking something for me? now thats hard. It feels like imposing on people for the wrong reasons and using the girls as an argument which feels wrong.
For some reason I've cultivated the attitude of "if-people-want-me-around-they'll-ask-me-and-if-they-don't,-they-obviously-don't-want-me-around-so-I'm-better-off-staying-away-and-not-troubling-them" for a LONG time eventhough it is not logical I feel really selfconsious and awkward contacting people
Then there is the perfectionist in me who keeps telling me that if I can do a good job at work normally I should be able to run a neat household as well. It can't be 'that' hard right?
So between the two of those I get exhausted and I still feel like I don't give the girls what they are entitled to aspecially when they are both upset and need settling and I'm home alone. Yesterday morning I sat on the floor bawling my eyes out because both of them were terribly upset, I couldn't work out what was wrong with either of them and I just felt like I failed them, myself, Duane and mostly I felt like I was a terrible mother.
So what do I do? I feel sorry for myself for a bit, then pick myself up, give myself a mental kick up the bottom and keep going. What else is there to do right?
ok, thats me done bearing my soul.. hec most of you whom have seen me feed the girls have seen my boobs, why not right?
On a different note: Something I've heard a lot lately: "Geez, you don't look like the mother of twins". I've been thinking about this a lot. What would a mother of twins look like, how would you recognise one in the street? Are we supposed to grow a second head? Maybe a third breast? different skin tone? A look in our eyes that shows we're close to insanity?... I'd love to know *grins*
04 September 2008
Babypoo doesn't stink
I came to a conclusion today: Babypoo doesn't smell all that bad.. atleast, not yet. We're still breastfeeding so I'm sure it will be a totally different story once solids are introduced. It must be something biological though, maybe only the poo of your own babies doesn't stink. Just so you don't get too grossed out and stop taking care of the baby or something like that.
So how are things going? Good. The girls are now 10 weeks and have dropped one of the night feeds. Unfortunately they dropped the 10 pm one, not the 2 am one. We tried to have them drop the latter by waking them up for their 10pm feed... that didn't work. The moment we stopped doing that, they slept straight through.
I've been going to mothers group at the child health clinic. Total waste of time, except for meeting the mums. The person running it is not all that realistic about things. I still think the pediatrician had the right of it when he said to me "when people start talking about absolutes when it comes to babies, don't listen to a word they say. Every child is different, and what works for one, doesn't work for the other". Needless to say, I'm not listening to a word this person has to say.
We enrolled our babies for their first 'school'... swim school. We're starting beginning of october.
I don't really have anything insightful to say this post, exept: "sleep is good".
Take care all,
Agnes
So how are things going? Good. The girls are now 10 weeks and have dropped one of the night feeds. Unfortunately they dropped the 10 pm one, not the 2 am one. We tried to have them drop the latter by waking them up for their 10pm feed... that didn't work. The moment we stopped doing that, they slept straight through.
I've been going to mothers group at the child health clinic. Total waste of time, except for meeting the mums. The person running it is not all that realistic about things. I still think the pediatrician had the right of it when he said to me "when people start talking about absolutes when it comes to babies, don't listen to a word they say. Every child is different, and what works for one, doesn't work for the other". Needless to say, I'm not listening to a word this person has to say.
We enrolled our babies for their first 'school'... swim school. We're starting beginning of october.
I don't really have anything insightful to say this post, exept: "sleep is good".
Take care all,
Agnes
26 August 2008
My birthday
Well, It happened again: I've managed to stay on this planet whilst it did a full circuit around the sun. That is 36 in total so far. The good news is: I don't feel any different at all.
A few weeks ago Duane asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday. I just laughed and said: I'd love to have some people around, but it'll have to be inbetween feeds, as that won't stop, not even for my birthday. So he invited most of our friends to come to our place on Saturday and spend the afternoon between 2:30 and 7:30.
I got the best birthday present a few days before the event when I asked Duane how many people had said they were coming on Saturday. In total we had 30 people RSVP. *yikes* I didn't even realise we knew that many people.....
Anyways, I had a wonderful afternoon and got exactly what I wanted for my birthday :) A wonderful memory of my first birthday as a mama. So everyone who was there to make it such a wonderful day: Thank You. You made me feel really special and loved and I wish I could repay you for that as it is a wonderful feeling.
There is only one slight pet peeve.......
What is it with people nowadays... some people RSVP that they are coming, and then proceed not to show up without any notice whatsoever. Is it just me, or do others find this bad manners too? There are a few repeat offenders and at the last function we had a lot higher numbers at the RSVP and I had lots of food prepared... that party only half the people who said they'd come showed and I had to throw so much out.....
Anyways, enough negativity... more importantly: it was Emma and Caitlins 2 month birthday too :)
Have a good week everyone, I'll try to update again next week.
A few weeks ago Duane asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday. I just laughed and said: I'd love to have some people around, but it'll have to be inbetween feeds, as that won't stop, not even for my birthday. So he invited most of our friends to come to our place on Saturday and spend the afternoon between 2:30 and 7:30.
I got the best birthday present a few days before the event when I asked Duane how many people had said they were coming on Saturday. In total we had 30 people RSVP. *yikes* I didn't even realise we knew that many people.....
Anyways, I had a wonderful afternoon and got exactly what I wanted for my birthday :) A wonderful memory of my first birthday as a mama. So everyone who was there to make it such a wonderful day: Thank You. You made me feel really special and loved and I wish I could repay you for that as it is a wonderful feeling.
There is only one slight pet peeve.......
What is it with people nowadays... some people RSVP that they are coming, and then proceed not to show up without any notice whatsoever. Is it just me, or do others find this bad manners too? There are a few repeat offenders and at the last function we had a lot higher numbers at the RSVP and I had lots of food prepared... that party only half the people who said they'd come showed and I had to throw so much out.....
Anyways, enough negativity... more importantly: it was Emma and Caitlins 2 month birthday too :)
Have a good week everyone, I'll try to update again next week.
18 August 2008
I can't beleive I did that
Ok, this was yesterday and I still feel slightly guilty...
Caitlin was fussy and crying for a while and I went to check her nappy. I noticed that her toe-nail needed clipping, as it had folded up, and was standing at a 90 degree angle straight up and would have given her grief. (odd, I had only clipped them a few days before). So I used the baby clippers to clip this bit of nail off.
I don't know how I did it, but I also clipped a tiny bit of skin along with the nail. However, baby toes are not that big and a tiny bit of skin can bleed profusely. I needed to put two bandaids on it, and it took a LOT of cuddles from both me and Duane to calm her down again.
So there you have it, I was officially the worlds baddest mummy in the eyes of my daughter. Atleast for a while... I guess until the next feed.
Caitlin was fussy and crying for a while and I went to check her nappy. I noticed that her toe-nail needed clipping, as it had folded up, and was standing at a 90 degree angle straight up and would have given her grief. (odd, I had only clipped them a few days before). So I used the baby clippers to clip this bit of nail off.
I don't know how I did it, but I also clipped a tiny bit of skin along with the nail. However, baby toes are not that big and a tiny bit of skin can bleed profusely. I needed to put two bandaids on it, and it took a LOT of cuddles from both me and Duane to calm her down again.
So there you have it, I was officially the worlds baddest mummy in the eyes of my daughter. Atleast for a while... I guess until the next feed.
14 August 2008
Motherhood perspective from a working woman
So, here I am again. Not sure if I'll get to finish this post or not. I guess I'll just have to type really quickly.
When I first went on maternity leave I felt lost. I went from a job with contact with people continually to sitting at home with only the cats to talk to. Doing housework is rather unsatisfying and frankly quite painful (physically) when highly preggers with twins so that wasn't really all 'that' great either.
Now, the girls are nearly 8 weeks old and earlier in the week I had a spat at Duane. Not that it is his 'fault'... he was just in the firing line. My main complain: I don't know what to do with my days. There are no days off in motherhood. There is no difference between weekdays and weekends except that Duane is at home and this makes a few things significantly easier. (Two babies crying and two adults to soothe them for starters).
The days are not exceptionally difficult to get through, it is just really boring. They are all more-or-less the same. The most frustrating thing is that I try to do everything so the girls are happy and feel safe. It is a rather thankless job at the moment. Not a lot of smiles, and it is not like I could come up with a special fun activity for them which they'll enjoy as they are WAY too young for that. I guess thats my main problem at the moment. I'm trying to do the best job that I can and I'm not getting much feedback from those whom I'm doing the job for if it meets their needs or not.
That sounds so petty in a lot of ways, Babies don't communicate except by crying. Ah well. They are putting on weight, I guess thats something.
I'll report back later this week...
Take care all, and be well.
When I first went on maternity leave I felt lost. I went from a job with contact with people continually to sitting at home with only the cats to talk to. Doing housework is rather unsatisfying and frankly quite painful (physically) when highly preggers with twins so that wasn't really all 'that' great either.
Now, the girls are nearly 8 weeks old and earlier in the week I had a spat at Duane. Not that it is his 'fault'... he was just in the firing line. My main complain: I don't know what to do with my days. There are no days off in motherhood. There is no difference between weekdays and weekends except that Duane is at home and this makes a few things significantly easier. (Two babies crying and two adults to soothe them for starters).
The days are not exceptionally difficult to get through, it is just really boring. They are all more-or-less the same. The most frustrating thing is that I try to do everything so the girls are happy and feel safe. It is a rather thankless job at the moment. Not a lot of smiles, and it is not like I could come up with a special fun activity for them which they'll enjoy as they are WAY too young for that. I guess thats my main problem at the moment. I'm trying to do the best job that I can and I'm not getting much feedback from those whom I'm doing the job for if it meets their needs or not.
That sounds so petty in a lot of ways, Babies don't communicate except by crying. Ah well. They are putting on weight, I guess thats something.
I'll report back later this week...
Take care all, and be well.
09 August 2008
nearly 7 weeks... it seems like forever
Wow, it has been nearly seven weeks since I gave birth to our girls. So much has happened in the meantime:
Emma has had a cold
Emma at one point wouldn't wake up or respond to stimuli. Went to the GP who immediately send us to the emergency department of the Ipswich hospital. He wanted her seen to within the next 15 minutes. We got there.. and 2.5 hours later we were still waiting. We got so shitted off with it all that we packed up the girls and went to the Wesley emergency and she was seen to straight away. Luckely she had woke up a while before and was fine. They don't know what caused it.
Emma got her brace taken off on Monday. She is now trying to catch up on 5 weeks of wriggling. I think moving hurts her a bit because she is very fussy and that is very unlike her.
Caitlin developed a fever during the week. She now has a snotty nose and a cough.
I got really sick about two days later. We ended up getting a nanny in for two days to help out. I'm still not 100% but atleast I'm not having high fevers any longer.
Normal day-to-day stuff:
We're working hard at establishing a routine and mostly this is going well. An average day looks something like this:
5:30-6:00 am – Babies wake up, play/cuddle time until it is 6:00 am. I try not to feed before that because that throws everything else out.
6:00 am – feeding time
6:30 am – 8:40 am Playtime & tummy time in the playpen. They often have a 30 minute nap in this period.
8:40 am – feeding time
9:10 am – 11:20: - dress babies in their day-clothes. Then playtime
11:20 am – feeding time
11:50 am – 2:00 pm: naptime for babies. I sleep too during this period
2:00 pm – feeding time
2:30 pm – 4:40 pm : playtime/walks/shopping etc
4:40 pm – feeding time
4:40 pm – 5:30 pm playtime in playpen, they sometimes snooze for a bit.
5:30 pm - we eat dinner.
6:45 pm – 7:15 pm Bath time and change into bedclothes
7:20 pm – feeding time
7:50-ish - bed-time for babies.
8:00 pm - bedtime for mum & dad
We let them sleep until they wake for their next feed, usually about 10pm-ish but can be as late as 11:00 pm.
10:00 pm - Feeding time
We let them sleep until they wake for their next feed, usually about 2 am-ish but can be as late as 3 am.
2:00 am – Night feed .
---
The girls are growing well. What is classed as 'good' weight gain is 20gr a day. This comes to 140-160 gr/wk. The last 4 weeks the girls have each gained well over 200 gr with one week Caitlin putting on a staggering 500gr.
Caitlin now weighs 3.8 kg and Emma just under 3.5kg.
Well they are awake again so I better get the day started. Maybe i'll have time to post more tomorrow....
Emma has had a cold
Emma at one point wouldn't wake up or respond to stimuli. Went to the GP who immediately send us to the emergency department of the Ipswich hospital. He wanted her seen to within the next 15 minutes. We got there.. and 2.5 hours later we were still waiting. We got so shitted off with it all that we packed up the girls and went to the Wesley emergency and she was seen to straight away. Luckely she had woke up a while before and was fine. They don't know what caused it.
Emma got her brace taken off on Monday. She is now trying to catch up on 5 weeks of wriggling. I think moving hurts her a bit because she is very fussy and that is very unlike her.
Caitlin developed a fever during the week. She now has a snotty nose and a cough.
I got really sick about two days later. We ended up getting a nanny in for two days to help out. I'm still not 100% but atleast I'm not having high fevers any longer.
Normal day-to-day stuff:
We're working hard at establishing a routine and mostly this is going well. An average day looks something like this:
5:30-6:00 am – Babies wake up, play/cuddle time until it is 6:00 am. I try not to feed before that because that throws everything else out.
6:00 am – feeding time
6:30 am – 8:40 am Playtime & tummy time in the playpen. They often have a 30 minute nap in this period.
8:40 am – feeding time
9:10 am – 11:20: - dress babies in their day-clothes. Then playtime
11:20 am – feeding time
11:50 am – 2:00 pm: naptime for babies. I sleep too during this period
2:00 pm – feeding time
2:30 pm – 4:40 pm : playtime/walks/shopping etc
4:40 pm – feeding time
4:40 pm – 5:30 pm playtime in playpen, they sometimes snooze for a bit.
5:30 pm - we eat dinner.
6:45 pm – 7:15 pm Bath time and change into bedclothes
7:20 pm – feeding time
7:50-ish - bed-time for babies.
8:00 pm - bedtime for mum & dad
We let them sleep until they wake for their next feed, usually about 10pm-ish but can be as late as 11:00 pm.
10:00 pm - Feeding time
We let them sleep until they wake for their next feed, usually about 2 am-ish but can be as late as 3 am.
2:00 am – Night feed .
---
The girls are growing well. What is classed as 'good' weight gain is 20gr a day. This comes to 140-160 gr/wk. The last 4 weeks the girls have each gained well over 200 gr with one week Caitlin putting on a staggering 500gr.
Caitlin now weighs 3.8 kg and Emma just under 3.5kg.
Well they are awake again so I better get the day started. Maybe i'll have time to post more tomorrow....
16 July 2008
Parenthood - myths and reality
[note: I started writing this a while ago.... twins keep me busy and I haven't been able to finish this until now, more posts to follow]
So, The girls are 3 weeks and 2 days old and today (18-jun) they have reached their 'full-term' mark. If I were still pregnant, today I would be 40 wks. I thought this was a nice point to do a bit of a stock-take on my experiences over the last three weeks.
What did I expect parenthood/motherhood to be like? I didn't really have any expectations at all. I just had a few preconceived notions I guess which ofcourse were way off. I'll try to explain. There are people who think that getting married will fullfill them in life, that somehow the act of saying "I do", dressing up, being the centre of attention will cause some profound change and all-of-a-sudden life is much better. This is one of those things which is hard to put to words. I never really felt that way about getting married, but with all the troubles we've had falling pregnant I had put motherhood on a kind of pedistole, it had become this unatainable ideal. I don't know what I expected it to 'do' for me, but I thought there would be the filling of a void inside me. Reality is different. For starters, I don't have a void to fill, I'm still myself with all the good and bad bits.
I'll dispell a few myths surrounding motherhood:
You take one look at your baby and you will be in love straight away.
So not true. That first look is totally surreal, it took me a good week before I even beleived that our girls actually were coming home with me, and even now, it sometimes feels like we have two strangers in the house with us.
You will just 'know' what your baby needs
Again, not true. The amount of times in the last few weeks Duane and I have been near or in tears because we couldn't figure out why either one of them was crying are plenty.
Breastfeeding is easier than bottle feeding
No Way. It is hard, even once the latching on thing has been worked out. You never know if the babies are getting enough feed, Do they need a top-up or not? how do you work it out? again, this is where this elusive "mums just know" instinct seems to be lacking totally.
I know when I started writing this post (about a week or so ago) there were a lot of other points I wanted to de-myth but I can't remember what they were.
Really, I think that motherhood grows on people. It is not an automatic thing. The first weeks seem easy now, they are now nearly 5 weeks old (tomorrow) and it is getting harder to keep going. They are starting to 'interact' with their environment more, but they are not showing signs of recognition.
It is hard when you are unable to settle them when they are upset and you can't figure out why. It is now 9:50 pm and I'm waiting for the next feed to start so I can go to bed afterwards. I'm fighting to keep my eyes open. Yet I can't imagine our lives without these two girls.
I'll post more photos on flickr in a while. I've been too busy to sort through them.
Take care all,
Agnes
So, The girls are 3 weeks and 2 days old and today (18-jun) they have reached their 'full-term' mark. If I were still pregnant, today I would be 40 wks. I thought this was a nice point to do a bit of a stock-take on my experiences over the last three weeks.
What did I expect parenthood/motherhood to be like? I didn't really have any expectations at all. I just had a few preconceived notions I guess which ofcourse were way off. I'll try to explain. There are people who think that getting married will fullfill them in life, that somehow the act of saying "I do", dressing up, being the centre of attention will cause some profound change and all-of-a-sudden life is much better. This is one of those things which is hard to put to words. I never really felt that way about getting married, but with all the troubles we've had falling pregnant I had put motherhood on a kind of pedistole, it had become this unatainable ideal. I don't know what I expected it to 'do' for me, but I thought there would be the filling of a void inside me. Reality is different. For starters, I don't have a void to fill, I'm still myself with all the good and bad bits.
I'll dispell a few myths surrounding motherhood:
You take one look at your baby and you will be in love straight away.
So not true. That first look is totally surreal, it took me a good week before I even beleived that our girls actually were coming home with me, and even now, it sometimes feels like we have two strangers in the house with us.
You will just 'know' what your baby needs
Again, not true. The amount of times in the last few weeks Duane and I have been near or in tears because we couldn't figure out why either one of them was crying are plenty.
Breastfeeding is easier than bottle feeding
No Way. It is hard, even once the latching on thing has been worked out. You never know if the babies are getting enough feed, Do they need a top-up or not? how do you work it out? again, this is where this elusive "mums just know" instinct seems to be lacking totally.
I know when I started writing this post (about a week or so ago) there were a lot of other points I wanted to de-myth but I can't remember what they were.
Really, I think that motherhood grows on people. It is not an automatic thing. The first weeks seem easy now, they are now nearly 5 weeks old (tomorrow) and it is getting harder to keep going. They are starting to 'interact' with their environment more, but they are not showing signs of recognition.
It is hard when you are unable to settle them when they are upset and you can't figure out why. It is now 9:50 pm and I'm waiting for the next feed to start so I can go to bed afterwards. I'm fighting to keep my eyes open. Yet I can't imagine our lives without these two girls.
I'll post more photos on flickr in a while. I've been too busy to sort through them.
Take care all,
Agnes
08 July 2008
Sleeping like a baby
Well, whomever came up with the expression "sleeping like a baby" meaning being totally out of it and 'dead-to-the-world' obviously hasn't closely observed a baby sleeping. They are Noisy. They cry, splutter, cough and snore.
On the subject of sleeping babies, Duane and I are rather excited today:
We've been trying to change their routine to something more managable for us since last Thursday. Emma has been sleeping to the new schedule for two days in a row now, and last night Caitlin did too. Caitlin didn't wake up for more food night before last, but instead because she had really dirty nappies. So, after changing them right after the feed and putting them back to bed they now settle in their own bed and sleep 4 hours consecutive at night. We're horribly impressed :) (and rather happy... never thought 3.5 hrs of uninterupted sleep would be such a luxury... ever)
On the subject of sleeping babies, Duane and I are rather excited today:
We've been trying to change their routine to something more managable for us since last Thursday. Emma has been sleeping to the new schedule for two days in a row now, and last night Caitlin did too. Caitlin didn't wake up for more food night before last, but instead because she had really dirty nappies. So, after changing them right after the feed and putting them back to bed they now settle in their own bed and sleep 4 hours consecutive at night. We're horribly impressed :) (and rather happy... never thought 3.5 hrs of uninterupted sleep would be such a luxury... ever)
05 July 2008
Part 3 - I'm a mama - Feeding schedules, twins and (in)sanity
Ok, the last post in this series is about our experiences at home in the last few days.
In the childrens hospital they put us on a feeding schedule of feeding the twins every 3 hours. If they managed to drink at the breast for 10 minutes or less they got a "half-top-up" via their Nasal Gastric Tube and if they drank for longer than 15 they didn't need a top-up at all. After every feed I was expressing, as this is the milk used for the top-ups.
The nurses took care of the 3 am feeds.
Going home, we were send home with the same schedule and we tried to maintain this. however, instead of top-ups via the tube, we were topping up using bottles.
Feeding times:
6 am
9 am
12 pm
3 pm
6 pm
9 pm
12 am
3 am
Every feed would be approximately 15-20 minutes per baby and 20 - 30 minutes for expressing. This meant that I got about 1 - 1.5 hrs sleep inbetween feeds at a maximum and only if the babies settled down straight after a feed. The latter ofcourse hardly happened, and besides that, you have to clean, prepare, cook, eat etc.
Needless to say by Wednesay both Duane and I were ready to crack. Les & Ruth, Duanes parents came to help us on Wednesday night after a frantic call for help from Duane. We finally got a few hours sleep. I had called Tishan, a friend of ours, earlier to ask if she would mind helping out on Thursday and Friday evening.
On Thursday afternoon the maternal health nurse came out to visit us. She took one look at us, and asked how things were going. We were brutally honest, they were not going good. She started talking about making babies stretch from the 10 pm to the 3 am feed.... I was asking her what happened to the midnight feed. Her look then said it all, and the schedule got completely reworked. We were send home with a 'hospital' schedule, which is fine if you have 3 shifts of 8 hours each covering it. However, for two people, it is enough to drive one insane.
Now our feeding times are different. There are still 8 feeds in the day, but only 2 at night. one at 10pm and one at 2am. Then the next one at 6 am. Quantities in feeds have been increased as well, and i'm now only expressing every other feed or when I'm highly uncomfortable. (I have about 1L of expressed breast-milk in the freezer due to the schedule the hospital sent us home with). Mel joined Tishan and between the two of them they gave Duane and me something extremely valuable to new parents, aspecially new parents of twins: Two full nights sleep.
We're still working on getting the girls used to the new schedule, and tonight is the first time Duane and I are on our own again. It was wonderful to have the help, but it is great to have the house to ourselves again too. We feel a lot more confident now, and hopefully we'll manage to have the girls sleep through to 2 am and then to 6 am which would mean we'd get two stretches of 4 hours sleep :) This is our aim at the moment and I hope we can achieve this in a week.
It is now after 10pm, and both are down after a bath and a feed and so-far-so-good. I'll keep you posted.
In the childrens hospital they put us on a feeding schedule of feeding the twins every 3 hours. If they managed to drink at the breast for 10 minutes or less they got a "half-top-up" via their Nasal Gastric Tube and if they drank for longer than 15 they didn't need a top-up at all. After every feed I was expressing, as this is the milk used for the top-ups.
The nurses took care of the 3 am feeds.
Going home, we were send home with the same schedule and we tried to maintain this. however, instead of top-ups via the tube, we were topping up using bottles.
Feeding times:
6 am
9 am
12 pm
3 pm
6 pm
9 pm
12 am
3 am
Every feed would be approximately 15-20 minutes per baby and 20 - 30 minutes for expressing. This meant that I got about 1 - 1.5 hrs sleep inbetween feeds at a maximum and only if the babies settled down straight after a feed. The latter ofcourse hardly happened, and besides that, you have to clean, prepare, cook, eat etc.
Needless to say by Wednesay both Duane and I were ready to crack. Les & Ruth, Duanes parents came to help us on Wednesday night after a frantic call for help from Duane. We finally got a few hours sleep. I had called Tishan, a friend of ours, earlier to ask if she would mind helping out on Thursday and Friday evening.
On Thursday afternoon the maternal health nurse came out to visit us. She took one look at us, and asked how things were going. We were brutally honest, they were not going good. She started talking about making babies stretch from the 10 pm to the 3 am feed.... I was asking her what happened to the midnight feed. Her look then said it all, and the schedule got completely reworked. We were send home with a 'hospital' schedule, which is fine if you have 3 shifts of 8 hours each covering it. However, for two people, it is enough to drive one insane.
Now our feeding times are different. There are still 8 feeds in the day, but only 2 at night. one at 10pm and one at 2am. Then the next one at 6 am. Quantities in feeds have been increased as well, and i'm now only expressing every other feed or when I'm highly uncomfortable. (I have about 1L of expressed breast-milk in the freezer due to the schedule the hospital sent us home with). Mel joined Tishan and between the two of them they gave Duane and me something extremely valuable to new parents, aspecially new parents of twins: Two full nights sleep.
We're still working on getting the girls used to the new schedule, and tonight is the first time Duane and I are on our own again. It was wonderful to have the help, but it is great to have the house to ourselves again too. We feel a lot more confident now, and hopefully we'll manage to have the girls sleep through to 2 am and then to 6 am which would mean we'd get two stretches of 4 hours sleep :) This is our aim at the moment and I hope we can achieve this in a week.
It is now after 10pm, and both are down after a bath and a feed and so-far-so-good. I'll keep you posted.
Part 2 - I'm a mamma - Special Care & Childrens hospital
So the story continues....
With both Emma and Caitlin in special care Duane was run off his feet. He went back and forth between the hospital and home, between me and special care and doing a marvelous job of it too.
Both girls together in an isolette
Caitlin
Emma
The second night after my C-section I woke up all sore and decided to go for a walk to loosen things up. The night nurse suggested I go down to special care and check out the babies. I was to call her when I wanted to go back so she could come and get me with a wheelchair. I did just that, and it was wonderful. The night staff in special care have far more time for you than the day staff - that is, if the babies are sleeping.
Up until that time I felt like I had to appologise for coming to see my babies, and I had to ask permission to pick them up etc. This nurse got that out of me (more-or-less). It was still all so foreign to me. Those little pieces of human being were aparently mine and Duanes and we were going to take them home at some point.
They were out of their isolettes on the second day, and besides some problems with holding down their food all was going well with them.
Day 3 they were improving even more, holding down their food even better, and even getting increased quotas for their food. Feeding was done through a nasal gastric tube. I also started to try and breast-feed on this day. The breastfeeding saga is long and I won't bore you with it, it is now all in the past, but it was not all easy-peasy.
On thursday we gave the girls their first bath:
Caitlin likes the water :)
And Dad is getting really good at dressing her
Emma doesn't like the bath as much
And getting dressed is definately more fun
On Friday the girls were tranferred to the Mater Childrens Private and Duane and I were rooming in with them. We moved across at approximately 2 pm. With some shuffling and re-arranging of the room we got setup with a workable layout and we were waiting on the lactation consultant who showed only a few minutes later. Lactation consultants are mid-wifes who specialise in teaching new mums how to breastfeed. They are amazing. The girls and I had been trying but with not much luck at all. After the first session with the LC Caitlin and I had an understanding and we could achieve latching on and feeding for approximately 5 minutes. Emma could latch but the feeding thing wasn't really happening. Both girls got "top-ups" via their nasal gastric tube.
The second day (saturday) the LC came back and introduced nipple shields. We haven't looked back since. Both Emma and Caitlin started feeding, shorter periods of time for Emma than Caitlin, but she is the smaller one after all.
One thing we (us and the girls) had to learn was how to drink from a bottle, it sounds simple doesn't it? Duane had the first go:
On Monday the pediatrician was happy with their progress and said we could go home. There was only a small matter to look into, Emma had movement in her hipjoint and he wanted to get that checked out. Off to the ultrasound and she behaved amazingly well. She has something called "immature hips". The deviation is minor. 55° is considered "normal". Her left hip alignment is 54.6° and her right hip alignment is 56.2°. There is a chance that this would resolve over time on its own, but to be on the safe size, the orthopedic surgeon and pediatrician decided to place Emma in a brace for 6 weeks. This is a velcro contraption which keep her legs in a frog-like posture. She can still move a little bit and is annoyed about the restrictions. She is getting used to it and becoming more herself again
With both Emma and Caitlin in special care Duane was run off his feet. He went back and forth between the hospital and home, between me and special care and doing a marvelous job of it too.
Both girls together in an isolette
Caitlin
Emma
The second night after my C-section I woke up all sore and decided to go for a walk to loosen things up. The night nurse suggested I go down to special care and check out the babies. I was to call her when I wanted to go back so she could come and get me with a wheelchair. I did just that, and it was wonderful. The night staff in special care have far more time for you than the day staff - that is, if the babies are sleeping.
Up until that time I felt like I had to appologise for coming to see my babies, and I had to ask permission to pick them up etc. This nurse got that out of me (more-or-less). It was still all so foreign to me. Those little pieces of human being were aparently mine and Duanes and we were going to take them home at some point.
They were out of their isolettes on the second day, and besides some problems with holding down their food all was going well with them.
Day 3 they were improving even more, holding down their food even better, and even getting increased quotas for their food. Feeding was done through a nasal gastric tube. I also started to try and breast-feed on this day. The breastfeeding saga is long and I won't bore you with it, it is now all in the past, but it was not all easy-peasy.
On thursday we gave the girls their first bath:
Caitlin likes the water :)
And Dad is getting really good at dressing her
Emma doesn't like the bath as much
And getting dressed is definately more fun
On Friday the girls were tranferred to the Mater Childrens Private and Duane and I were rooming in with them. We moved across at approximately 2 pm. With some shuffling and re-arranging of the room we got setup with a workable layout and we were waiting on the lactation consultant who showed only a few minutes later. Lactation consultants are mid-wifes who specialise in teaching new mums how to breastfeed. They are amazing. The girls and I had been trying but with not much luck at all. After the first session with the LC Caitlin and I had an understanding and we could achieve latching on and feeding for approximately 5 minutes. Emma could latch but the feeding thing wasn't really happening. Both girls got "top-ups" via their nasal gastric tube.
The second day (saturday) the LC came back and introduced nipple shields. We haven't looked back since. Both Emma and Caitlin started feeding, shorter periods of time for Emma than Caitlin, but she is the smaller one after all.
One thing we (us and the girls) had to learn was how to drink from a bottle, it sounds simple doesn't it? Duane had the first go:
On Monday the pediatrician was happy with their progress and said we could go home. There was only a small matter to look into, Emma had movement in her hipjoint and he wanted to get that checked out. Off to the ultrasound and she behaved amazingly well. She has something called "immature hips". The deviation is minor. 55° is considered "normal". Her left hip alignment is 54.6° and her right hip alignment is 56.2°. There is a chance that this would resolve over time on its own, but to be on the safe size, the orthopedic surgeon and pediatrician decided to place Emma in a brace for 6 weeks. This is a velcro contraption which keep her legs in a frog-like posture. She can still move a little bit and is annoyed about the restrictions. She is getting used to it and becoming more herself again
Part 1 - I'm a mamma - the Birth
Oh boy, do I have a lot to tell you. First of all, for those who haven't read Duanes blog yet, or received any of his emails (or mine) or a birth notice......
Caitlin Yvette and Emma Sophie were born on the 23rd of June 2008.
I'll add a link with photos later, I still have to go through those and haven't had time yet.
OK back to the story. It has all gone so fast, yet at the time it all seemed to be very overwhelming, hec, it still is. We checked in the hospital at 6:45 on the 23rd for a 9 am c-section. Got ready, and went off to surgery. The Anestesists name was Frank and he was absolutely brilliant. Well, the spinal worked great so thats good, but besides that, he kept me up-to-date with what was going on on the other side of the curtain. As a side note, after the spinal was placed I got really nervous and scared. Frank then proceeded to tell me exactly what was going on, letting me know when the skin was opened, when the uterus was opened etc, explaining all the noises I was hearing and his talking kept me calm as I was totally focussing on what he was saying. I kept looking for Duane too, who was told to park his rear-end in a chair but wanted to see what was going on and kept looking over the curtain. The most memorable phrase from him: "I can't see anything honey, there are too many hands in the way..." This was before Caitlin was born.
I remember asking "head-first or feet-first" when they told me baby no 1 was on her way. They told me "head first"... they must have thought it an odd question, but we had already named the babies beforehand and seeing one was head down and one was breach... it was kinda important to us.
So Caitlin was born at 9:15, and Emma followed a little later at 9:16. They used forceps to deliver Emma, and the little bugger was holding her breath so she was whisked away fast to get her to breathe. Both babies were a lot smaller than expected. On the last scan we had (35 wks) both babies were calculated at approximately 2400 grams. A week later, they should have both been over 2.5 kgs, however Caitlin weighed 2265 gr and Emma only 1945 gr. Because of that, and because they had problems staying warm and my gestational diabetes, the girls were send to Special Care. Duane was quite torn whether to stay with me or his daughters.
I told him to stay with them so off he went. I got to see the girls for a quick few seconds, and got to kiss both of them.
At 9:50 I was wheeled into recovery and regulary a nurse/mid-wife came and gave me updates. According to her Duane was a natural and spend a lot of time caring for his daughters. I was alone in recovery, and feeling it. It was a bit of an anti-climax. I just had two babies, and here I was, on a bed, not being able to move my legs and alone and listening to other parents who were together and had their babies with them. The nurse/mid-wife told me I was going to be allowed to see my girls on the way to the ward. The nurse who came to collect me wasn't too happy about that but did allow a quick de-tour to special care. I was there for less than a minute according to Duane. I got to see and touch one of them, but only her back as they had placed both babies in the same isolette and I couldn't get up to look at them propperly.
Off to the ward I went. Duane followed a little later. He told me that the girls were meant to come out of the isolettes later that afternoon and that they could come and visit me if they were ok in their little cots. Unfortunately they didn't do too well out of the isolettes and couldn't come to me. I had a drip and a catheter and wasn't allowed off the ward so I couldn't visit them.
So approximately 24 hours after giving birth, I finally got to hold one of my babies. The other one had just been fed so I had to wait until just before her next feed to be allowed a cuddle there.
My first cuddle with Emma
Finally, both my girls are in my arms
and all of us together
Caitlin Yvette and Emma Sophie were born on the 23rd of June 2008.
I'll add a link with photos later, I still have to go through those and haven't had time yet.
OK back to the story. It has all gone so fast, yet at the time it all seemed to be very overwhelming, hec, it still is. We checked in the hospital at 6:45 on the 23rd for a 9 am c-section. Got ready, and went off to surgery. The Anestesists name was Frank and he was absolutely brilliant. Well, the spinal worked great so thats good, but besides that, he kept me up-to-date with what was going on on the other side of the curtain. As a side note, after the spinal was placed I got really nervous and scared. Frank then proceeded to tell me exactly what was going on, letting me know when the skin was opened, when the uterus was opened etc, explaining all the noises I was hearing and his talking kept me calm as I was totally focussing on what he was saying. I kept looking for Duane too, who was told to park his rear-end in a chair but wanted to see what was going on and kept looking over the curtain. The most memorable phrase from him: "I can't see anything honey, there are too many hands in the way..." This was before Caitlin was born.
I remember asking "head-first or feet-first" when they told me baby no 1 was on her way. They told me "head first"... they must have thought it an odd question, but we had already named the babies beforehand and seeing one was head down and one was breach... it was kinda important to us.
So Caitlin was born at 9:15, and Emma followed a little later at 9:16. They used forceps to deliver Emma, and the little bugger was holding her breath so she was whisked away fast to get her to breathe. Both babies were a lot smaller than expected. On the last scan we had (35 wks) both babies were calculated at approximately 2400 grams. A week later, they should have both been over 2.5 kgs, however Caitlin weighed 2265 gr and Emma only 1945 gr. Because of that, and because they had problems staying warm and my gestational diabetes, the girls were send to Special Care. Duane was quite torn whether to stay with me or his daughters.
I told him to stay with them so off he went. I got to see the girls for a quick few seconds, and got to kiss both of them.
At 9:50 I was wheeled into recovery and regulary a nurse/mid-wife came and gave me updates. According to her Duane was a natural and spend a lot of time caring for his daughters. I was alone in recovery, and feeling it. It was a bit of an anti-climax. I just had two babies, and here I was, on a bed, not being able to move my legs and alone and listening to other parents who were together and had their babies with them. The nurse/mid-wife told me I was going to be allowed to see my girls on the way to the ward. The nurse who came to collect me wasn't too happy about that but did allow a quick de-tour to special care. I was there for less than a minute according to Duane. I got to see and touch one of them, but only her back as they had placed both babies in the same isolette and I couldn't get up to look at them propperly.
Off to the ward I went. Duane followed a little later. He told me that the girls were meant to come out of the isolettes later that afternoon and that they could come and visit me if they were ok in their little cots. Unfortunately they didn't do too well out of the isolettes and couldn't come to me. I had a drip and a catheter and wasn't allowed off the ward so I couldn't visit them.
So approximately 24 hours after giving birth, I finally got to hold one of my babies. The other one had just been fed so I had to wait until just before her next feed to be allowed a cuddle there.
My first cuddle with Emma
Finally, both my girls are in my arms
and all of us together
22 June 2008
We know... you will soon
So, I guess I should post a short update here on what is happening :)
Nearly two weeks ago now, I had a check-up with my endocrynologist for my Gestational Diabetes. I had some blood tests which all came back ok except for some minor abnormalities in my liver enzyme levels. Fast forward to last monday (16th June) when Duane and I had another growth scan to make sure both babies are growing ok.
This scan went well. Both babies were estimated to be about 2400 grams (5 lb 3 oz)each. For 36 wks gestation with twins this is not bad at all. I had an appointment with my OB the day after which luckely Duane joined me at. More bloodwork to make sure my liver enzymes hadn't deteriorated.
Anyways, to make a long story short, we had a LONG chat with Murray and we basically had 3 options:
1. Wait until labour starts naturally and see if I can deliver vaginally
2. Induce me to bring on labor
3. Book a C-section
The main reason we discussed these options is because sleeping has become a problem. I need to take painkillers to be able to get a little bit of sleep, The pressures are really starting to take its toll on my body. Murray is happy for these babies to be born, their weights at 36 weeks was excelent, and a lot of twins are delivered at 37 weeks anyway. Because the induction has a 50-60% chance of turning into an emergency C-section, we elected to schedule a C-section instead. Less pressure, and we know what is happening. This was all organised on tuesday and we have known from that day what day the babies will be born. It will be next week (between 23 jun & 27 jun).
Part of me is happy that it will be over, and that we will finally be able to meet our babies. Another part of me isn't all that happy about it. It is filled with doubts, can we do it, are we doing the right thing, will they be ok, will we be ok..... it feels a little bit like being on the upward climb of a rollercoaster just before it comes to the crest and you really want to yell out, 'STOP THIS THING, I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE, THIS IS A MISTAKE'......
Anyways, I'm sure it will all be fine. I will update with pictures and information once I'm home again. After the delivery I have to stay in hospital for 5 days (4 nights) because of the surgery. Check Duanes blog, he might have time to update beforehand.....
Take care all, and see you on the flip-side.
Nearly two weeks ago now, I had a check-up with my endocrynologist for my Gestational Diabetes. I had some blood tests which all came back ok except for some minor abnormalities in my liver enzyme levels. Fast forward to last monday (16th June) when Duane and I had another growth scan to make sure both babies are growing ok.
This scan went well. Both babies were estimated to be about 2400 grams (5 lb 3 oz)each. For 36 wks gestation with twins this is not bad at all. I had an appointment with my OB the day after which luckely Duane joined me at. More bloodwork to make sure my liver enzymes hadn't deteriorated.
Anyways, to make a long story short, we had a LONG chat with Murray and we basically had 3 options:
1. Wait until labour starts naturally and see if I can deliver vaginally
2. Induce me to bring on labor
3. Book a C-section
The main reason we discussed these options is because sleeping has become a problem. I need to take painkillers to be able to get a little bit of sleep, The pressures are really starting to take its toll on my body. Murray is happy for these babies to be born, their weights at 36 weeks was excelent, and a lot of twins are delivered at 37 weeks anyway. Because the induction has a 50-60% chance of turning into an emergency C-section, we elected to schedule a C-section instead. Less pressure, and we know what is happening. This was all organised on tuesday and we have known from that day what day the babies will be born. It will be next week (between 23 jun & 27 jun).
Part of me is happy that it will be over, and that we will finally be able to meet our babies. Another part of me isn't all that happy about it. It is filled with doubts, can we do it, are we doing the right thing, will they be ok, will we be ok..... it feels a little bit like being on the upward climb of a rollercoaster just before it comes to the crest and you really want to yell out, 'STOP THIS THING, I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE, THIS IS A MISTAKE'......
Anyways, I'm sure it will all be fine. I will update with pictures and information once I'm home again. After the delivery I have to stay in hospital for 5 days (4 nights) because of the surgery. Check Duanes blog, he might have time to update beforehand.....
Take care all, and see you on the flip-side.
11 June 2008
Keeping busy.
So, the count-down is in full swing now. Today I've reached the 35 wk mark, which means that the lungs of the babies are fully developed and if I were to go into labor right now, they would let me deliver. It would be better for the babies to stay in for another week or two, but whether that is good for my sanity, I'm not entirely sure.
We're on-target for getting the house ready for these bubs. The hospital bag is packed (Finally, I kinda kept putting it off and off and off and off........)
So now I'm down to chores I can do from my chair I guess. Not much more in the way of "active" work to do. This is a good thing, When something falls on the floor I look at it and try to decide how much I really want it, and if it isn't detrimentally important I'll wait for Duane to come home to pick it up for me. Mobility is becoming a real issue.
So: Nursery is mostly done. Sewing is done, house is clean & tidy-ish. Birth notices have been designed and are ready to be sent to the printers once the last details are known (Length, weight, birthdate etc). Enveloppes have been written and hopefully Duane will bring home some more stamps so I can finish sticking those on. We have 'beschuit met muisjes' organised, I'd love to make a wooden stork, but haven't even broached the subject with Duane yet. I've got the design.... just not the wood to start on it.
We know where to go at the new hospital, we have the numbers etc to call in emergencies, Tomorrow we're getting capsules installed in our car (babyseats).
Next week I'll pick up feeding pillow & breast pump.
So, really for today, I have nothing much to do bar make a few phonecalls. BORING. I'm not really good at this 'waiting' thing..... I'll keep you posted on how i"m going with that
We're on-target for getting the house ready for these bubs. The hospital bag is packed (Finally, I kinda kept putting it off and off and off and off........)
So now I'm down to chores I can do from my chair I guess. Not much more in the way of "active" work to do. This is a good thing, When something falls on the floor I look at it and try to decide how much I really want it, and if it isn't detrimentally important I'll wait for Duane to come home to pick it up for me. Mobility is becoming a real issue.
So: Nursery is mostly done. Sewing is done, house is clean & tidy-ish. Birth notices have been designed and are ready to be sent to the printers once the last details are known (Length, weight, birthdate etc). Enveloppes have been written and hopefully Duane will bring home some more stamps so I can finish sticking those on. We have 'beschuit met muisjes' organised, I'd love to make a wooden stork, but haven't even broached the subject with Duane yet. I've got the design.... just not the wood to start on it.
We know where to go at the new hospital, we have the numbers etc to call in emergencies, Tomorrow we're getting capsules installed in our car (babyseats).
Next week I'll pick up feeding pillow & breast pump.
So, really for today, I have nothing much to do bar make a few phonecalls. BORING. I'm not really good at this 'waiting' thing..... I'll keep you posted on how i"m going with that
07 June 2008
Maternity leave week two
So I'm slowly getting better at this 'being at home' thing. I am surprising myself and actually managing to keep the house in a moderately tidy state. For those of you who know me, this is a near-impossibility.
How am I doing this? Well, I'm working of my lists. The big list with all the chores for the house(*), and my own personal private list with other stuff I want to get done. I know it sounds rather sad, having ones life 'controlled' by lists, but hec, it works for me. There are still a few things that need doing this week, but well, I'm just not mobile enough anymore to clean all the windows so Duane and I will do this together one day on the weekend.
At the same time I've been battling the cold from hell, started with a really sore throat, and got worse after that. more than a week later and I still have the sniffles. I sure hope i'll be able to shake this before I go into labor.
As for the pregnancy, the rest of Maternity leave is doing my body good even if it is driving my mind to sleep. Mind you, I'm still quite capable to overdo things and pay for that later (read: mopping floors is not the most brilliant of ideas whilst heavely preggers). My cold is doing weird things to my sugar levels, there doesn't really appear to be much consistency in it at all. Next week I have an appointment with Dr. Lee (the endocrinologist) for my GD, and the week after I have another scan and a check up with my OB. That is, unless these two decide they have had enough inside and want to check out whats out there. Duane and I are getting to the point were we're like "ok, next stage pls, lets get this show on the road". We're 34 wks now, so ideally they remain inside for another two weeks....
Oh, and for you singleton mums: Both babies now weigh approximately 5lbs (2200 gr) So I'm carrying 10lb (4.5kg)of baby + two placentas + amniotic fluid + HUDGE boobs around (GG cup... god knows what'll happen once my milk comes in *sigh*)
And completely full-term would be another 6 weeks (to the 40 wk mark). Fullterm for twins is another 2-4 weeks.
Edit: I forgot to include the (*) thingy from earlier.
(*) How anal am I when it comes to organising things I'm not good at: I made a spreadsheet room-by-room of all the chores I could come up with I felt need doing atleast once a year. Then I plotted all this on a 52 wk scale to make sure it is "equally distributed". This was too hard, so I changed it to a 12 wk schedule instead, which ofcourse means there are things I can pike on 3 times a year *YEY*.
Anyways, with the finished spreadsheet, I then use my outlook calendar and put in repeating appointments for each item on a saturday. Once a week I print off all the appointments on a saturday and this gives me the to-do list for the week.
I know it sounds involved, but atleast we now remember to do things like wash curtains, and check batteries in smoke alarms etc.....
How am I doing this? Well, I'm working of my lists. The big list with all the chores for the house(*), and my own personal private list with other stuff I want to get done. I know it sounds rather sad, having ones life 'controlled' by lists, but hec, it works for me. There are still a few things that need doing this week, but well, I'm just not mobile enough anymore to clean all the windows so Duane and I will do this together one day on the weekend.
At the same time I've been battling the cold from hell, started with a really sore throat, and got worse after that. more than a week later and I still have the sniffles. I sure hope i'll be able to shake this before I go into labor.
As for the pregnancy, the rest of Maternity leave is doing my body good even if it is driving my mind to sleep. Mind you, I'm still quite capable to overdo things and pay for that later (read: mopping floors is not the most brilliant of ideas whilst heavely preggers). My cold is doing weird things to my sugar levels, there doesn't really appear to be much consistency in it at all. Next week I have an appointment with Dr. Lee (the endocrinologist) for my GD, and the week after I have another scan and a check up with my OB. That is, unless these two decide they have had enough inside and want to check out whats out there. Duane and I are getting to the point were we're like "ok, next stage pls, lets get this show on the road". We're 34 wks now, so ideally they remain inside for another two weeks....
Oh, and for you singleton mums: Both babies now weigh approximately 5lbs (2200 gr) So I'm carrying 10lb (4.5kg)of baby + two placentas + amniotic fluid + HUDGE boobs around (GG cup... god knows what'll happen once my milk comes in *sigh*)
And completely full-term would be another 6 weeks (to the 40 wk mark). Fullterm for twins is another 2-4 weeks.
Edit: I forgot to include the (*) thingy from earlier.
(*) How anal am I when it comes to organising things I'm not good at: I made a spreadsheet room-by-room of all the chores I could come up with I felt need doing atleast once a year. Then I plotted all this on a 52 wk scale to make sure it is "equally distributed". This was too hard, so I changed it to a 12 wk schedule instead, which ofcourse means there are things I can pike on 3 times a year *YEY*.
Anyways, with the finished spreadsheet, I then use my outlook calendar and put in repeating appointments for each item on a saturday. Once a week I print off all the appointments on a saturday and this gives me the to-do list for the week.
I know it sounds involved, but atleast we now remember to do things like wash curtains, and check batteries in smoke alarms etc.....
31 May 2008
A week to remember
So this was my first week on maternity leave. It was also the last week Duane went away for work until the babies are born. It is a bit of a culture shock to go from a job which revolves around interaction with others to sitting at home. I have been worried about how I was going to cope with this 'being at home' as often enough when Duane is away I seem to get nothing done and the house turns into chaos. Not this week tho, and I'm pretty proud of it.
I've been trying to plan every day. Not in detail, but just write down a small list of things I want to do in a day and then do them during the day. Every day I achieved atleast 2/3rd of the list I had written down so all in all it was a productive week.
On Wednesday I woke up with a sore throat. On Thursday this got worse, and now I have the worst cold I've had in quite some time. This is no fun at all. I've not been sick this pregnancy at all, and with the limited sleep, and breathing problems, bladder restrictions and stuff it is enough to make me extremely edgy.
None of the above was the biggest thing this week tho.
On Thursday morning Oma ten Wolde passed away (my grandmother). She has been sick for quite a while and treatment was not really helping her anymore. In a way it is good as she deserves the rest she has now, but it sucks majorly. I can't fly home for the funeral because I'm too far along in my pregnancy. She will be missed.
I've been trying to plan every day. Not in detail, but just write down a small list of things I want to do in a day and then do them during the day. Every day I achieved atleast 2/3rd of the list I had written down so all in all it was a productive week.
On Wednesday I woke up with a sore throat. On Thursday this got worse, and now I have the worst cold I've had in quite some time. This is no fun at all. I've not been sick this pregnancy at all, and with the limited sleep, and breathing problems, bladder restrictions and stuff it is enough to make me extremely edgy.
None of the above was the biggest thing this week tho.
On Thursday morning Oma ten Wolde passed away (my grandmother). She has been sick for quite a while and treatment was not really helping her anymore. In a way it is good as she deserves the rest she has now, but it sucks majorly. I can't fly home for the funeral because I'm too far along in my pregnancy. She will be missed.
28 May 2008
Babyshower
This in it self is worthy of its own post :) Thanks to Mel and Tish I had a really wonderful saturday.
Lets re-wind a few months: It is early December 2007. Duane and I just had confirmation that we have two viable embroys growing in my uterus. I kinda had a bit of a "ships how are we going to do this" reaction and I talked to one of the guys at work whos wife had triplets earlier in the year. He put me on to the Multiple birth association website.
So checking these forums I was simply looking around with the attitude of "shit, what does one need to care for two babies at the same time..." and I came across this tread title "are you having a babyshower". I looked at it, and drew a total mental blank. The first thing that went through my mind was... "I thought you could take babies in a normal shower" then, "I wonder what that would look like" and "where would you get one and how expensive would it be"... It was a good 5 minutes before I realised they were talking about a party.
Now, you all know I'm dutch, and in holland babyshowers are simply very uncommon. its more an american concept which is only very rarely taken up. People tend to come and visit in the first couple of weeks and bring presents then.
So fast-forward to last Saturday. I had no real idea what to expect. Mel and Tish had already told me there were going to be games involved, and that I was going to be expelled from my own kitchen. Right.....
In short, they did an amazing job. there were prizes for people winning the games, they organised amazing food and it was a lot of fun. We(Duane and I) got a lot of extremely useful stuff from people and it was very much appreciated.
Afterwards we had a bbq so the males could safely re-join us. This was fun too, it was great to catch up with people before life becomes totally hectic.
Lets re-wind a few months: It is early December 2007. Duane and I just had confirmation that we have two viable embroys growing in my uterus. I kinda had a bit of a "ships how are we going to do this" reaction and I talked to one of the guys at work whos wife had triplets earlier in the year. He put me on to the Multiple birth association website.
So checking these forums I was simply looking around with the attitude of "shit, what does one need to care for two babies at the same time..." and I came across this tread title "are you having a babyshower". I looked at it, and drew a total mental blank. The first thing that went through my mind was... "I thought you could take babies in a normal shower" then, "I wonder what that would look like" and "where would you get one and how expensive would it be"... It was a good 5 minutes before I realised they were talking about a party.
Now, you all know I'm dutch, and in holland babyshowers are simply very uncommon. its more an american concept which is only very rarely taken up. People tend to come and visit in the first couple of weeks and bring presents then.
So fast-forward to last Saturday. I had no real idea what to expect. Mel and Tish had already told me there were going to be games involved, and that I was going to be expelled from my own kitchen. Right.....
In short, they did an amazing job. there were prizes for people winning the games, they organised amazing food and it was a lot of fun. We(Duane and I) got a lot of extremely useful stuff from people and it was very much appreciated.
Afterwards we had a bbq so the males could safely re-join us. This was fun too, it was great to catch up with people before life becomes totally hectic.
22 May 2008
Maternity leave
Ok, so I gave in. I went on maternity leave a week early. Last friday was my last day at work. I was so tired so often, and besides that I felt totally useless with my replacement doing a great job. Mimi, one of my friends at work, organised a morning tea for my farewell, and that was fun. There was so much food left over that we had an afternoon tea as well.
So what do I think of maternity leave? I'm not too sure yet. It is easier on the body, thats forsure. But it is weird not to be working. Its kinda like you've been put in a holding pattern. I know I should rest and enjoy as I'm going to be busy enough soon enough. Just that this 'sitting still' isn't really my thing.
It is also giving me time to think about what I want to do next. Do I want to stay in the line of work I'm doing now? or do I want to try my hand at something different? I don't know yet and I guess I have a few months to figure it out.
Financially it is scary not to work. I'm sure we'll be ok, but its just very overwhelming at times.
I'll keep you posted...
So what do I think of maternity leave? I'm not too sure yet. It is easier on the body, thats forsure. But it is weird not to be working. Its kinda like you've been put in a holding pattern. I know I should rest and enjoy as I'm going to be busy enough soon enough. Just that this 'sitting still' isn't really my thing.
It is also giving me time to think about what I want to do next. Do I want to stay in the line of work I'm doing now? or do I want to try my hand at something different? I don't know yet and I guess I have a few months to figure it out.
Financially it is scary not to work. I'm sure we'll be ok, but its just very overwhelming at times.
I'll keep you posted...
17 May 2008
I finally did it
Yesterday I put my leave-form in for my maternity leave. I've been putting it off, kinda not wanting to finish up yet I knew I had to at some point. I have one more week to work and then I stop. Its a week earlier than I've been saying I would stop, but it just made sense at the time. I am getting a tat uncomfortable.
Duane only has two weeks of long travel left, and then he is mostly home, which I'm rather pleased with to be honest. I'm 31 wks now, and really we need to make it to 35wks, so another 4 and then we are truly in the "home stretch". Still, every week is a win. My sugar levels are still well under control. I have a check-up with the doctor on Monday, then a growth scan on Wednesday.
What have we been doing to get ready? Lots. We set up a schedule for house-cleaning: It is already paying off as we don't take nearly as long doing the things that have to be done as we used to as it happens more regulary now.
The nursery is mostly done. on the 12th of June we get capsules installed in our car. We are renting those from the ambulance service. We're looking into what carseats to get after that. We've become a member of Westside-MBA, where we can rent breastpumps and feeding pillows. When my maternity leave starts I'll be cooking meals to freeze one day per week so I have a full freezer of ready-made healthy meals to see us through the first couple of weeks.
During the week we went to expectant parents night organised by Westside MBA, and one thing everyone keeps saying is: "ask for help". Logically I 'know' they are right, but emotionally that is going to be hard. I know everyone has busy lives already, and really the idea of imposing feels wrong in many ways.....
Next weekend, Mel and Tish are organising a babyshower. I'm wondering what that will be like. They were talking about 'games'...... it has me slightly concerned *grins* but we'll see what happens.
Have a lovely weekend everyone.
Duane only has two weeks of long travel left, and then he is mostly home, which I'm rather pleased with to be honest. I'm 31 wks now, and really we need to make it to 35wks, so another 4 and then we are truly in the "home stretch". Still, every week is a win. My sugar levels are still well under control. I have a check-up with the doctor on Monday, then a growth scan on Wednesday.
What have we been doing to get ready? Lots. We set up a schedule for house-cleaning: It is already paying off as we don't take nearly as long doing the things that have to be done as we used to as it happens more regulary now.
The nursery is mostly done. on the 12th of June we get capsules installed in our car. We are renting those from the ambulance service. We're looking into what carseats to get after that. We've become a member of Westside-MBA, where we can rent breastpumps and feeding pillows. When my maternity leave starts I'll be cooking meals to freeze one day per week so I have a full freezer of ready-made healthy meals to see us through the first couple of weeks.
During the week we went to expectant parents night organised by Westside MBA, and one thing everyone keeps saying is: "ask for help". Logically I 'know' they are right, but emotionally that is going to be hard. I know everyone has busy lives already, and really the idea of imposing feels wrong in many ways.....
Next weekend, Mel and Tish are organising a babyshower. I'm wondering what that will be like. They were talking about 'games'...... it has me slightly concerned *grins* but we'll see what happens.
Have a lovely weekend everyone.
12 May 2008
Being spontaneous
Well I guess I should post a 'little' update. We've reached the 30 wk mark in our pregnancy now and things are starting to get a tat uncomfortable. So far my weight is going down again. Ah well, as long as the babies are doing well I shouldn't complain right? I have another 3 weeks left to work, and to be honest, it'll be hard to do if those weeks are anything like last week.
Duane posted in his blog (see link on the side) about me being diagnosed with gestational diabetes. It was a little bit of a let-down, everything has gone rather well upto now, but really, We don't have much to complain about if this is the worst complication we have this pregnancy.
Gestational diabetes is quite common in twin pregnancies. Because there are two placentas producing hormones that interfere with the insulin in mums body (mine in this case) the pancreas has to work extra hard and mine simply cannot keep up. I've been testing my blood-sugars and to be honest, as long as I watch what I eat, my sugar levels are fine and I don't need to use insulin. This will go away after the babies are born.
So, hows life treating us so far? Life is mostly good. Duane has been so busy trying to get a lot of chores done, and trying in his own way to prepare for the changes ahead that he has kinda run past himself and forgot how to simply have fun. I worry about him sometimes...He'll be ok, he'll work it out :)
Anyways, the nursery is ready enough for the babies if we had to, I've started preparing to pack my hospital bag. Ideally we'd like to keep these two inside for another 6-8 wks. 5 at a minimum. From 35 wks, my obstetrician will not stop labour if it happens.
Sleeping is still a challenge at times. Normally this does not affect Duane at all luckely and I'm the only one awake at some rued hour. Yesterday was different. I woke up shortly after 4am, Duane woke at 4:30 am. I got up, which is what I normally do for a little while and then I go back to bed. Much to my surprise, Duane got out of bed too as he said he was totally awake.
I suggested that seeing we were both awake we might as well go to the coast and watch the sunrise. So we did. It was absolutely lovely. We drove down to the goldcoast and ended up on Main beach. Nice and quiet. A few people out there for their morning swim/surf/walk etc. Not too many. Afterwards we had breakfast at one of the little cafe's near the beach. We drove back home via Mt. Tambourine and the Goldcoast hinterlands. Then for lunch we met up with Duanes parents for mothersday and went home after that. A lovely day all-in-all.
I thought I'd share some pictures we took. One is from me. Hec, I finally look pregnant :)
Me :)
A bit of the sunrise, not very colourful, but still nice.
A lone shell on the beach
Duane posted in his blog (see link on the side) about me being diagnosed with gestational diabetes. It was a little bit of a let-down, everything has gone rather well upto now, but really, We don't have much to complain about if this is the worst complication we have this pregnancy.
Gestational diabetes is quite common in twin pregnancies. Because there are two placentas producing hormones that interfere with the insulin in mums body (mine in this case) the pancreas has to work extra hard and mine simply cannot keep up. I've been testing my blood-sugars and to be honest, as long as I watch what I eat, my sugar levels are fine and I don't need to use insulin. This will go away after the babies are born.
So, hows life treating us so far? Life is mostly good. Duane has been so busy trying to get a lot of chores done, and trying in his own way to prepare for the changes ahead that he has kinda run past himself and forgot how to simply have fun. I worry about him sometimes...He'll be ok, he'll work it out :)
Anyways, the nursery is ready enough for the babies if we had to, I've started preparing to pack my hospital bag. Ideally we'd like to keep these two inside for another 6-8 wks. 5 at a minimum. From 35 wks, my obstetrician will not stop labour if it happens.
Sleeping is still a challenge at times. Normally this does not affect Duane at all luckely and I'm the only one awake at some rued hour. Yesterday was different. I woke up shortly after 4am, Duane woke at 4:30 am. I got up, which is what I normally do for a little while and then I go back to bed. Much to my surprise, Duane got out of bed too as he said he was totally awake.
I suggested that seeing we were both awake we might as well go to the coast and watch the sunrise. So we did. It was absolutely lovely. We drove down to the goldcoast and ended up on Main beach. Nice and quiet. A few people out there for their morning swim/surf/walk etc. Not too many. Afterwards we had breakfast at one of the little cafe's near the beach. We drove back home via Mt. Tambourine and the Goldcoast hinterlands. Then for lunch we met up with Duanes parents for mothersday and went home after that. A lovely day all-in-all.
I thought I'd share some pictures we took. One is from me. Hec, I finally look pregnant :)
Me :)
A bit of the sunrise, not very colourful, but still nice.
A lone shell on the beach
25 April 2008
28 wk milestone
Finally a long weekend with no social obligations. What are Duane and I going to do with ourselves?? Most likely next to nothing. I just realised it has been a while since I have updated you all on whats been going on.
On Wednesday we reached the 28 wk mark in our pregnancy. This is considered a Big Deal. At 28 wks we have a 95% survival rate for premature babies. This means that even if they came now (which they won't -touch wood) they have excelent chances of becoming a part of our family. Thursday morning we had our 28 wk scan. When expecting twins, doctors are not able to monitor fetal growth by simply measuring the belly as that wouldn't show if one of the babies wasn't quite growing as well as the other. So Twin-mummies-to-be get extra scans because that way they can see if the babies are growing as they should.
Our babies are doing just fine. Baby 1 weighs 1132 grams and baby 2 weighs 1000 grams. This is calculated based of the size of the head, tummy and a few other measurements. They are estimated to be between 35 and 40 cm tall now. That is hard to measure more accurately because they lie all curled up in the uterus. These sizes at 28 weeks are spot on target even if it was a singleton pregnancy (one baby). If they continue to do this well, and they go full-term (38 wks) each has a predicted birth weight of about 2.5 - 3 kgs (5-6lbs) Both babies are head down, but can still change position as they still have some room. In principle, if they don't there is nothing preventing us from giving birth vaginally.
Duane and I are really happy. It is always such a relief to see them doing well and moving about. They were really uncooperative so no cute 3d scan images this time. Depending on how things go, we might have another scan in about 4 weeks which will be our last one before the birth.
Take care,
Agnes
On Wednesday we reached the 28 wk mark in our pregnancy. This is considered a Big Deal. At 28 wks we have a 95% survival rate for premature babies. This means that even if they came now (which they won't -touch wood) they have excelent chances of becoming a part of our family. Thursday morning we had our 28 wk scan. When expecting twins, doctors are not able to monitor fetal growth by simply measuring the belly as that wouldn't show if one of the babies wasn't quite growing as well as the other. So Twin-mummies-to-be get extra scans because that way they can see if the babies are growing as they should.
Our babies are doing just fine. Baby 1 weighs 1132 grams and baby 2 weighs 1000 grams. This is calculated based of the size of the head, tummy and a few other measurements. They are estimated to be between 35 and 40 cm tall now. That is hard to measure more accurately because they lie all curled up in the uterus. These sizes at 28 weeks are spot on target even if it was a singleton pregnancy (one baby). If they continue to do this well, and they go full-term (38 wks) each has a predicted birth weight of about 2.5 - 3 kgs (5-6lbs) Both babies are head down, but can still change position as they still have some room. In principle, if they don't there is nothing preventing us from giving birth vaginally.
Duane and I are really happy. It is always such a relief to see them doing well and moving about. They were really uncooperative so no cute 3d scan images this time. Depending on how things go, we might have another scan in about 4 weeks which will be our last one before the birth.
Take care,
Agnes
15 April 2008
Challenges for prospective parents
Ok, So I'm 27 wks pregnant this week. Its a little early to have the nursery ready and beleive me, we are nowhere near ready for these two.
However, tonight we did something we could have postponed, but wanted to do for a while. We put together one of the two cots we purchased for the babies. Did I mention I love IKEA? They have some really funky furniture and they have some kewl baby and kids gear.
I just tried to link to an image on the IKEA site, and failed miserably, so you'll have to click on the link below. We purchased two Hensvik cots.
http://www.ikea.com/au/en/catalog/products/10077353 is the URL for the site.
Anyways, all Ikea stuff comes with loads of nuts, bolts, screws, thingemabobs and an instruction manual with next to no words... pictures only. They must be bloody brilliant writing the things because Duane and I are getting reasonably good at assembling ikea furniture :)
It took a little while, but now the cot has been put together and its sitting in the nursery. The matress inserted and ofcourse we needed to make the bed. Mind you, both of us are reasonably good at making beds. Our own bed, a queensize double with a kingsize doona on it takes us about 10-15 minutes to make after removing the sheets and doonacover.
You'd think that making a bed for a baby, seeing how much smaller it is, would take significantly less time... Nothing is further from the truth.
Putting a fitted sheet on a matress in a cot is a challenge when your belly is in the way. It is overcomable ofcourse, but a small challenge non-the-less.
Then ofcourse as these two babies will be sleeping in the same cot, we're making it sidewas... which is a lot harder than it sounds. There is this blanket thingy, which is a great size, but doesn't quite work the way I thought it would, same with the flat sheet. Its actually quite fiddly.
So 20 minutes after starting to make the blasted thing, it looks reasonably ok. I will have to practise this, as I 'know' we're going to be stuck making the bed in the middle of the night. Besides that, It doesn't look quite right 'yet'...........
There are sooo many skills we have yet to aquire, its a good thing our ante-natal classes are starting on Friday.
However, tonight we did something we could have postponed, but wanted to do for a while. We put together one of the two cots we purchased for the babies. Did I mention I love IKEA? They have some really funky furniture and they have some kewl baby and kids gear.
I just tried to link to an image on the IKEA site, and failed miserably, so you'll have to click on the link below. We purchased two Hensvik cots.
http://www.ikea.com/au/en/catalog/products/10077353 is the URL for the site.
Anyways, all Ikea stuff comes with loads of nuts, bolts, screws, thingemabobs and an instruction manual with next to no words... pictures only. They must be bloody brilliant writing the things because Duane and I are getting reasonably good at assembling ikea furniture :)
It took a little while, but now the cot has been put together and its sitting in the nursery. The matress inserted and ofcourse we needed to make the bed. Mind you, both of us are reasonably good at making beds. Our own bed, a queensize double with a kingsize doona on it takes us about 10-15 minutes to make after removing the sheets and doonacover.
You'd think that making a bed for a baby, seeing how much smaller it is, would take significantly less time... Nothing is further from the truth.
Putting a fitted sheet on a matress in a cot is a challenge when your belly is in the way. It is overcomable ofcourse, but a small challenge non-the-less.
Then ofcourse as these two babies will be sleeping in the same cot, we're making it sidewas... which is a lot harder than it sounds. There is this blanket thingy, which is a great size, but doesn't quite work the way I thought it would, same with the flat sheet. Its actually quite fiddly.
So 20 minutes after starting to make the blasted thing, it looks reasonably ok. I will have to practise this, as I 'know' we're going to be stuck making the bed in the middle of the night. Besides that, It doesn't look quite right 'yet'...........
There are sooo many skills we have yet to aquire, its a good thing our ante-natal classes are starting on Friday.
11 April 2008
Memory faults and other issues
If you asked me what do you dislike most about being pregnant I'd have to say "the loss of memory"... Eventhough, if I am absolutely 100% honest, my lac of remembering things started WAY before falling pregnant. Still it has increased and this is a known 'pregnancy problem' so that'll be my answer.
So how do I fight it? Lists... lots and lots of lists. Sometimes I forget to write one of the lists, but I figure, it can't be that important anyway. So what are the latest lists I've written? Our cleaning schedule, our hardware-to-purchase-before-the-babies-come list and a shopping list.
The cleaning schedule thing has caused a lot of entertainment at the lunchtable at work. People seem to think I'm a tat anal about this. So I am.. It helps me to work out what I need to do, aspecially with those things that you don't do every week and/or month (like cleaning out the pantry, linnen cupboard, mending clothes etc).
If you are interested, drop me a line and I'll send you an example ;)
The 100% truthful answer to the question "What do you like least about being pregnant" are the limitations. Both the realistic ones and the ones imposed by others (and not adhered to). The realistic ones make me feel like I have to appologise because I'm being a slacker for not being able to do something I'm normally quite capable of. The limitations imposed by others simply piss me off. I have to defend what I do, and I can't be myself often as I am so totally fed up with this type of conversations: "You can't do XYZ"... (me) "Why not?"...(them)"You're Pregnant"...(me) "what does that have to do with anything?" I really would like to know where this idea comes fromt that pregnant women loose the ability to be responsible and to think for themselves. It is freekin' annoying. Oh and while we are on that subject, I'd really appreciate it if people would stop and think before saying anything. I don't know where the idea comes from, but really our babies long-term well-being is one of our most important concerns. HOWEVER, this does NOT involve wrapping them in cotton wool, it involves protecting them when they need protecting, teaching them the skills they need to be responsible adults. This includes dealing with disappointments and failure, and letting them make their own mistakes however hard that may be. So, on that note: Yes we have two cats, Yes they are 100% indoor cats, No we will not 'ban' them from the house, and it is really none of anyones business how we will manage this situation. just rest assured that we will do what we need to guarantee our babies safety, but we will do it OUR way.
OK enough negativety:
I just realised I haven't updated you on my last docs appointment: All is going well, and I'm now allowed to have a vaginal birth *YEY*. I much prefer this option as the recovery times are usually a lot less. Things might change yet, but we'll take it as it comes. The nursery now has novulon, the walls are painted and the built-in cupboard has inserts. We'll see if we put up the cots and change-table today or next weekend, it doesn't matter all that much yet.
Ok, fog outside is clearing and the sun is coming out... Have a blast everyone... until next time!
So how do I fight it? Lists... lots and lots of lists. Sometimes I forget to write one of the lists, but I figure, it can't be that important anyway. So what are the latest lists I've written? Our cleaning schedule, our hardware-to-purchase-before-the-babies-come list and a shopping list.
The cleaning schedule thing has caused a lot of entertainment at the lunchtable at work. People seem to think I'm a tat anal about this. So I am.. It helps me to work out what I need to do, aspecially with those things that you don't do every week and/or month (like cleaning out the pantry, linnen cupboard, mending clothes etc).
If you are interested, drop me a line and I'll send you an example ;)
The 100% truthful answer to the question "What do you like least about being pregnant" are the limitations. Both the realistic ones and the ones imposed by others (and not adhered to). The realistic ones make me feel like I have to appologise because I'm being a slacker for not being able to do something I'm normally quite capable of. The limitations imposed by others simply piss me off. I have to defend what I do, and I can't be myself often as I am so totally fed up with this type of conversations: "You can't do XYZ"... (me) "Why not?"...(them)"You're Pregnant"...(me) "what does that have to do with anything?" I really would like to know where this idea comes fromt that pregnant women loose the ability to be responsible and to think for themselves. It is freekin' annoying. Oh and while we are on that subject, I'd really appreciate it if people would stop and think before saying anything. I don't know where the idea comes from, but really our babies long-term well-being is one of our most important concerns. HOWEVER, this does NOT involve wrapping them in cotton wool, it involves protecting them when they need protecting, teaching them the skills they need to be responsible adults. This includes dealing with disappointments and failure, and letting them make their own mistakes however hard that may be. So, on that note: Yes we have two cats, Yes they are 100% indoor cats, No we will not 'ban' them from the house, and it is really none of anyones business how we will manage this situation. just rest assured that we will do what we need to guarantee our babies safety, but we will do it OUR way.
OK enough negativety:
I just realised I haven't updated you on my last docs appointment: All is going well, and I'm now allowed to have a vaginal birth *YEY*. I much prefer this option as the recovery times are usually a lot less. Things might change yet, but we'll take it as it comes. The nursery now has novulon, the walls are painted and the built-in cupboard has inserts. We'll see if we put up the cots and change-table today or next weekend, it doesn't matter all that much yet.
Ok, fog outside is clearing and the sun is coming out... Have a blast everyone... until next time!
01 April 2008
Sydney trip
Last weekend Duane and I spend a long weekend away in Sydney. This was in part a private birthday celebration and in part time to spend together before the babies are born. Duane had organised the whole thing. We had a one bedroom apartement near museum station. We arrived thursday afternoon and took the rest of the day to plan our bits and pieces for Friday. We went out to dinner to an italian place nearby.
On Friday we went to Taronga Zoo, and afterwards to a gamestore in Yorkstreet and a bookstore a few blocks up from it. It was an exhausting day. I could write this longwinded story on how Duane made me walk from 8 am until about 5 pm... and how I got totally exhausted but that wouldn't be fair. I inmensely enjoyed the day, even if I was really tired afterwards. I finally took photos I don't mind sharing with the world (the first ones in two years... how sad is that). If you click on the "my-flickr-page" link on the right you can see them.
On Saturday we spend time in Galaxy again (bookstore) and after that we spend quite a bit of time in the Queen Victoria Building. This is a restored building which dates back to 1898. It is amazingly beautiful on the inside. I love that particular style of architecture. The bestest bit of the day was when I found a lingery store which caters for pregnant woman with larger sizes. Its rather depressing to buy maternity bras on a good day. I'm up to a GG cup now and usually I can choose between 1 bras if I'm lucky. Ofcourse these are the type of bras that you could either A: use as shelter when camping or B: are the style you'd expect your great-great-great grandmother to wear.
Now I've got two bras that actually make me feel like an attractive woman again. I think people underestimate the value of nice lingery for a womans self-esteem.
We also spend time reading and time just being together talking. We've been married nearly 8.5 years now and it is sad but nowadays thats a long marriage. These times we spend together away from everything are so valuable to just get in touch with why we are together, and to re-affirm how much we love eachother. Life will change so much this year and neither of us can really gauge the impact it will have on our relationship, however, we are both really committed to it and i'm sure we'll come through it with flying colours :)
Sunday back home, and weirdly enough, its good to be home. Life is good.
On Friday we went to Taronga Zoo, and afterwards to a gamestore in Yorkstreet and a bookstore a few blocks up from it. It was an exhausting day. I could write this longwinded story on how Duane made me walk from 8 am until about 5 pm... and how I got totally exhausted but that wouldn't be fair. I inmensely enjoyed the day, even if I was really tired afterwards. I finally took photos I don't mind sharing with the world (the first ones in two years... how sad is that). If you click on the "my-flickr-page" link on the right you can see them.
On Saturday we spend time in Galaxy again (bookstore) and after that we spend quite a bit of time in the Queen Victoria Building. This is a restored building which dates back to 1898. It is amazingly beautiful on the inside. I love that particular style of architecture. The bestest bit of the day was when I found a lingery store which caters for pregnant woman with larger sizes. Its rather depressing to buy maternity bras on a good day. I'm up to a GG cup now and usually I can choose between 1 bras if I'm lucky. Ofcourse these are the type of bras that you could either A: use as shelter when camping or B: are the style you'd expect your great-great-great grandmother to wear.
Now I've got two bras that actually make me feel like an attractive woman again. I think people underestimate the value of nice lingery for a womans self-esteem.
We also spend time reading and time just being together talking. We've been married nearly 8.5 years now and it is sad but nowadays thats a long marriage. These times we spend together away from everything are so valuable to just get in touch with why we are together, and to re-affirm how much we love eachother. Life will change so much this year and neither of us can really gauge the impact it will have on our relationship, however, we are both really committed to it and i'm sure we'll come through it with flying colours :)
Sunday back home, and weirdly enough, its good to be home. Life is good.
25 March 2008
Easter - chocolate holiday
Well, Duane and I had a lovely easter mostly. We spent most of our time painting the nursery, laundry, toilet and bathroom. Cream looks so much better than mint-green :)
Yesterday we met up with friends for lunch at Indooroopilly. Did some shopping beforehand. Do you know that feeling where you go in to buy a $25 kitchen gadget, and walk out of a shop spending more than 10 times that and feel like you've been given a great deal? That happened to us. One of the stores had a 20% discount, which brought this whizz-bang foodprocessor I've been looking at for atleast two years within budget :).
This morning a check-up with my Obstetrician. The new one... the old one broke his pelvis. I have a ton of questions and he better answer all of them......
I'll keep you updated.
Yesterday we met up with friends for lunch at Indooroopilly. Did some shopping beforehand. Do you know that feeling where you go in to buy a $25 kitchen gadget, and walk out of a shop spending more than 10 times that and feel like you've been given a great deal? That happened to us. One of the stores had a 20% discount, which brought this whizz-bang foodprocessor I've been looking at for atleast two years within budget :).
This morning a check-up with my Obstetrician. The new one... the old one broke his pelvis. I have a ton of questions and he better answer all of them......
I'll keep you updated.
23 March 2008
The privacy of pregnancy
Today is a weird day. Its not been an extremely joyous day, I've been grumpy, annoyed with myself, sad... lots of bad emotions. That was kinda triggered by this barbeque we went to yesterday. I'll try and explain.
We were invited via Duanes parents to attend a bbq at a cousins place. We like the family, and don't mind attending the occasional social gathering so we went. We were looking forward to it. Mind you, we don't have all that much in common with Duanes cousins. Not that that is a bad thing, just we have different interests I guess. Everyone knows how much trouble we've had falling pregnant, and ofcourse anyone who is expecting twins ispublic property . Its an easy topic of discussion. This is where it gets weird, and probably what took me all day to figure out. I didn't want to talk about the pregnancy. I was happy to discuss anything else. I just didn't feel comfortable sharing anything about it at that point in time. I heard Ruth say something about breast & bottle feeding to someone and that made me feel rather awkward. I totally didn't get my reaction, and have been sooo annoyed by it (my reaction). Ofcourse she is excited, she is becoming a grandmother, and ofcourse she wants to share.... and I'm more than fine with that. better that than the opposite, really. Mind you, this is not the first time I've clammed up about it in public. There have been other social gatherings where I was just totally stand off-ish about the whole thing. The line "I don't wish to discuss this at this point in time" has been used by myself on more than one occasion. (I didn't yesterday and didn't have to at all. There were some references, which were fine but no one really raised the topic at all so I have no real idea why I felt so uncomfortable)
Anyway, fast forward to this evening. I think I've figured it out.... kinda....
This pregnancy is on my mind a lot. Hec, since these two have started moving around its been hard not to think about it honestly. I love talking about it to those whom I feel close to. It is something so intrinsicly personal I am uncomfortable talking about it to people I don't know and/or trust. When it comes to unfamiliar people, I clam up, I get all protective and 'assertive'.
Most people fall pregnant in the privacy of their own bedroom. There are two people involved. For us there is not much privacy involved with the whole falling pregnant thing. Hec, I often jokingly say that for us it is a team effort.
I guess that after all the 'public' prodding and poking I have a far greater need to be selective about what I share with whom. I've never been an overly private person as my friends and family can attest to *grins*. I guess this pregnancy brings out a slightly different side in me.
And again, I fly in the face of tradition. A pregnant woman is after-all public property, and a pregnancy should be discussed in all gory detail etc right? Not my thing I guess.
Same thing with people telling me I can't 'do' something just because I'm pregnant. Thats not a reason. I know my body, I know my limits better than ANYONE. And I truly wish that people would get it into their thick skulls that I still have a fully functional brain and that neither myself nor Duane will do anything to put these babies at risk. However, that does not turn me into some kind of couch potato, I still have a life to lead and damn if I don't. There is more to life than being pregnant, and its not all there is to it at the moment, eventhough it does take up a large part of it.
We were invited via Duanes parents to attend a bbq at a cousins place. We like the family, and don't mind attending the occasional social gathering so we went. We were looking forward to it. Mind you, we don't have all that much in common with Duanes cousins. Not that that is a bad thing, just we have different interests I guess. Everyone knows how much trouble we've had falling pregnant, and ofcourse anyone who is expecting twins is
Anyway, fast forward to this evening. I think I've figured it out.... kinda....
This pregnancy is on my mind a lot. Hec, since these two have started moving around its been hard not to think about it honestly. I love talking about it to those whom I feel close to. It is something so intrinsicly personal I am uncomfortable talking about it to people I don't know and/or trust. When it comes to unfamiliar people, I clam up, I get all protective and 'assertive'.
Most people fall pregnant in the privacy of their own bedroom. There are two people involved. For us there is not much privacy involved with the whole falling pregnant thing. Hec, I often jokingly say that for us it is a team effort.
I guess that after all the 'public' prodding and poking I have a far greater need to be selective about what I share with whom. I've never been an overly private person as my friends and family can attest to *grins*. I guess this pregnancy brings out a slightly different side in me.
And again, I fly in the face of tradition. A pregnant woman is after-all public property, and a pregnancy should be discussed in all gory detail etc right? Not my thing I guess.
Same thing with people telling me I can't 'do' something just because I'm pregnant. Thats not a reason. I know my body, I know my limits better than ANYONE. And I truly wish that people would get it into their thick skulls that I still have a fully functional brain and that neither myself nor Duane will do anything to put these babies at risk. However, that does not turn me into some kind of couch potato, I still have a life to lead and damn if I don't. There is more to life than being pregnant, and its not all there is to it at the moment, eventhough it does take up a large part of it.
10 March 2008
Feeling special
Geez I've been slack. I haven't updated the blog for quite a while. For those of you whom read Duanes blog, you already know about the minor dramas from last week. I don't feel like talking about those so if you want to know, check it there :).
Pregnancy wise whats happened since my last post. I'm 22 weeks pregnant this week. Last week I started feeling clear movements, and I have to say that is great. Finally past this stage where you just have to 'trust' that everything is going ok. I still firmly beleive that the inability to have a peep-hole where you can just check all is going well is a purposeful design 'feature' with the sole aim to stress out expectant mums-to-be. Movement means life means more-or-less ok-ish. Its the "hey you are now past most of the risk-stages, so we can now start giving you more reasurance" feature of pregnancy. Numbers: I've put on about 5 kgs so far, so thats just under about a kg a month. Doctors are happy and thats all that counts. I'm still not showing overly much, but atleast there is some tummy-action now :). But enough waffling about this.
I've been making sure I 'rub' vitamine E cream on my belly nearly every evening since someone mentioned this option to me. Not that I'm worried about stretch-marks, I don't really care honestly, They kinda are a type of 'battle scar' to wear with pride *grins*. I just remember really well that after my last laperoscopy I had stretchmarks which were awfully bruised and actually quite sore. I wanted to try to prevent some of that (the discomfort).
Anyways, tonight I decided it was time to go to bed earlyish and did my 'normal' rub stuff in my belly skin' thing (I forget it often...). As I was rubbing this stuff in, I felt both babies kinda "roll" under my hands. One on the left size of my tummy, the other on my right side. So I called Duane into the bedroom and had him repeat the motion and he could feel both his babies move against his hand. He has felt some tiny kicks before, but this was the first real clear movement he has felt. It was such a special moment, very difficult to describe. The look on his face was so lovely and beautiful, I don't think I've ever loved him more. He is going to make such an amazing daddy. It must be weird for the daddies, atleast as mummy-to-be you get some warning on whats going on, body changes etc..... daddies know its happening because they are told, but I don't know when it becomes "real".
Both of us started this pregnancy not being extremely happy about it, more scared than anything, not daring to hope that this would actually happen. Now I guess we're both at the point where we're both starting to feel comfortable with the 'being happy' about expecting, in our case, two babies. It still seems extremely surreal most of the time tho......
Pregnancy wise whats happened since my last post. I'm 22 weeks pregnant this week. Last week I started feeling clear movements, and I have to say that is great. Finally past this stage where you just have to 'trust' that everything is going ok. I still firmly beleive that the inability to have a peep-hole where you can just check all is going well is a purposeful design 'feature' with the sole aim to stress out expectant mums-to-be. Movement means life means more-or-less ok-ish. Its the "hey you are now past most of the risk-stages, so we can now start giving you more reasurance" feature of pregnancy. Numbers: I've put on about 5 kgs so far, so thats just under about a kg a month. Doctors are happy and thats all that counts. I'm still not showing overly much, but atleast there is some tummy-action now :). But enough waffling about this.
I've been making sure I 'rub' vitamine E cream on my belly nearly every evening since someone mentioned this option to me. Not that I'm worried about stretch-marks, I don't really care honestly, They kinda are a type of 'battle scar' to wear with pride *grins*. I just remember really well that after my last laperoscopy I had stretchmarks which were awfully bruised and actually quite sore. I wanted to try to prevent some of that (the discomfort).
Anyways, tonight I decided it was time to go to bed earlyish and did my 'normal' rub stuff in my belly skin' thing (I forget it often...). As I was rubbing this stuff in, I felt both babies kinda "roll" under my hands. One on the left size of my tummy, the other on my right side. So I called Duane into the bedroom and had him repeat the motion and he could feel both his babies move against his hand. He has felt some tiny kicks before, but this was the first real clear movement he has felt. It was such a special moment, very difficult to describe. The look on his face was so lovely and beautiful, I don't think I've ever loved him more. He is going to make such an amazing daddy. It must be weird for the daddies, atleast as mummy-to-be you get some warning on whats going on, body changes etc..... daddies know its happening because they are told, but I don't know when it becomes "real".
Both of us started this pregnancy not being extremely happy about it, more scared than anything, not daring to hope that this would actually happen. Now I guess we're both at the point where we're both starting to feel comfortable with the 'being happy' about expecting, in our case, two babies. It still seems extremely surreal most of the time tho......
19 February 2008
19 wk Scan today
Ok I'm rather excited about what happened today :) We had our 19 week scan. I've been a bit neurotic about this whole thing and this put my mind at ease for atleast a few days (I hope). So I thought I'd share some photos. I haven't tried to do this before so it might fail miserably....
Baby 2: Side-on face
Baby 2: 3d image: hand in front of face
Baby 1: back& bottom view
Baby 1: a 3d shot of the face.
Baby 2: Side-on face
Baby 2: 3d image: hand in front of face
Baby 1: back& bottom view
Baby 1: a 3d shot of the face.
If this was a singleton pregnancy this would normally be the last scan, but because , according to the sonographer/doctor, "obstetricians go anal over twins", we have another scan in about 9 weeks to check how they are growing.
I have a normal check-up in about a week.
Infertility and happy endings
Most people in our lives know Duane and I have problems with falling pregnant without help. I have Endometriosis and Duane doesn't really produce very active sperm. So, as I often say jokingly, between the two of us we're excelent birthcontrol.
How does infertility affect ones life? That is a really hard and very personal question to answer. I honestly have to say that I don't know how it really affects Duane. I think the most difficult thing is the coming to terms with the fact that your life is different from what you envisioned it to be in a way that makes you doubt your self-worth, your view on life and reality.
When you first decide with your partner to start 'trying' for a family, it makes sex just a little more exciting and fun. When 'nothing' happens the first few months you shrug away worry and keep 'practising'. Then after a while you start to think "maybe our timing is off" and you try to figure out when ovulation is exactly and start more "scheduling" sex. After 1 to 2 years of trying you go to the doctor. At this point you start to worry, but are still trying to tell yourself that 'it might be something simple. The doctor then again tell you about timing, maybe do a sperm test and tell you about ovulation predictor kits (if you haven't worked that one out on your own). Then a referral to a gyneacologist. By this time you have created an imaginary finish-line in your mind, one you are reaching for with all your might, one which seems to come so easely to everyone else. You start to doubt your femininity, your right to be, your life, your dreams, your aspirations. It can be very debilitating. The need to attain this "goal" becomes all absorbing and I can't compare it to anything but being addicted trying to get a fix (not that I've ever been addicted but I'd imagine they would feel a drive just as difficult to ignore). People in our lives are happy for us now we're pregnant. They 'know' (read: have seen from the outside) what we've gone through. If you find this blog without knowing us: We've been pregnant twice before. The first pregnancy ended at 7.5 weeks. This was our little girl Sophie. The second pregnancy ended at 6 weeks. our little boy Adrian. After loosing Adrian Duane and I decided enough was enough. That was over 4 years ago.
So what constitutes a happy ending in relation to Infertility.
A lot of people will say "having a child". I don't agree with this. Hoping all goes well with this pregnancy (in a few hours we'll know how we're doing at the half-way mark) we will have two children by mid-year. This will not make either of us any less infertile. From having seen women in Infertility support groups having children, the things that cause the most heartache don't go away simply because you have a child.
I firmly beleive that the only happy ending in infertility is when you find peace with the situation you are in. For us this happened about two years ago. We both felt ok with not having kids, and were quite happy with how our lives were panning out. It is very hard to explain this feeling. The acceptance of the situation gave and still gives us a sense of freedom which is worth soo much.
So now we're expecting. This has opened up yet another can of worms emotionally. Because of the troubles we've had getting to this place in our lives, I find it hard when I experience the feelings of doubt and uncertainty. Its like "You've wanted this for so long, what are you complaining about". John, our IVF specialist told us that aspecially for couples who have taken a while on their journey towards parenthood, it is not uncommon to not 'bond' with the child/children until after birth. I dont think I'm quite like that. It just seems incredibly surreal most of the time.
Anyways, enough yabbering... I'll continue this another time.
How does infertility affect ones life? That is a really hard and very personal question to answer. I honestly have to say that I don't know how it really affects Duane. I think the most difficult thing is the coming to terms with the fact that your life is different from what you envisioned it to be in a way that makes you doubt your self-worth, your view on life and reality.
When you first decide with your partner to start 'trying' for a family, it makes sex just a little more exciting and fun. When 'nothing' happens the first few months you shrug away worry and keep 'practising'. Then after a while you start to think "maybe our timing is off" and you try to figure out when ovulation is exactly and start more "scheduling" sex. After 1 to 2 years of trying you go to the doctor. At this point you start to worry, but are still trying to tell yourself that 'it might be something simple. The doctor then again tell you about timing, maybe do a sperm test and tell you about ovulation predictor kits (if you haven't worked that one out on your own). Then a referral to a gyneacologist. By this time you have created an imaginary finish-line in your mind, one you are reaching for with all your might, one which seems to come so easely to everyone else. You start to doubt your femininity, your right to be, your life, your dreams, your aspirations. It can be very debilitating. The need to attain this "goal" becomes all absorbing and I can't compare it to anything but being addicted trying to get a fix (not that I've ever been addicted but I'd imagine they would feel a drive just as difficult to ignore). People in our lives are happy for us now we're pregnant. They 'know' (read: have seen from the outside) what we've gone through. If you find this blog without knowing us: We've been pregnant twice before. The first pregnancy ended at 7.5 weeks. This was our little girl Sophie. The second pregnancy ended at 6 weeks. our little boy Adrian. After loosing Adrian Duane and I decided enough was enough. That was over 4 years ago.
So what constitutes a happy ending in relation to Infertility.
A lot of people will say "having a child". I don't agree with this. Hoping all goes well with this pregnancy (in a few hours we'll know how we're doing at the half-way mark) we will have two children by mid-year. This will not make either of us any less infertile. From having seen women in Infertility support groups having children, the things that cause the most heartache don't go away simply because you have a child.
I firmly beleive that the only happy ending in infertility is when you find peace with the situation you are in. For us this happened about two years ago. We both felt ok with not having kids, and were quite happy with how our lives were panning out. It is very hard to explain this feeling. The acceptance of the situation gave and still gives us a sense of freedom which is worth soo much.
So now we're expecting. This has opened up yet another can of worms emotionally. Because of the troubles we've had getting to this place in our lives, I find it hard when I experience the feelings of doubt and uncertainty. Its like "You've wanted this for so long, what are you complaining about". John, our IVF specialist told us that aspecially for couples who have taken a while on their journey towards parenthood, it is not uncommon to not 'bond' with the child/children until after birth. I dont think I'm quite like that. It just seems incredibly surreal most of the time.
Anyways, enough yabbering... I'll continue this another time.
18 February 2008
Pregnancy.... ok so what about it?
Pregnancy, it is weird. I guess that is the best description I can come up with for now. I know there are all these stories on how wonderful it is and great you feel etc. I think those stories were developed purely to not scare other women off.
I find it weird. I'm still me, yet in the minds of so many I seem to be reduced to some kind of incubator. I'm not going to name names inhere, (and those who've heard me bitch know what I'm talking about) but there are elements in our lives that seem to think they can start making decisions about all manner of things pertaining to these babies. I.Think.Not. I'm still me, I'm still the same 'ol Agnes who does have an oppinion on things and who is quite capable of taking care of things herself and has been for quite some time.
I've been warned by fellow pregnoids that the larger my tummy gets (and its not very large at all at the moment, actually I'm barely showing at all) I will get strangers come up to me and touch it. I've decided that anyone whom I don't want touching me, who uninvitedly goes for my tummy can expect to have their boobs groped. I'll report back on the reactions I get when that happens.
Ok, I'll answer a few of the more common questions I've been getting:
Do you know what you are having?
Yep- last check two babies. Confirmed by several ultrasounds.
What would you like to have?
Again, two babies. I'd be terribly dissapointed if they turned out to be puppies. Besides that, I'd love to have a winning lottery ticket in my pocket and all the stuff others want. What I find odd is that people seem to think having a boy and a girl is somehow better than two boys or two girls. I truly don't care, as long as they are healthy and even if they are not, we will still love them.
How are the twins?
Both sets are fine thanks :) (No I'm not having quads, but for years people have referred to my chest as "the twins" aswell because I"m reasonably well endowed)
Oh you're not showing much. Are you sure everything is ok?
[sarcasm]Hmm, I think you should go and work in pre-natal care. You seem to be able to make all sorts of diagnosis based on visual observation, without any medical training. It would be soo much cheaper.[/sarcasm]
My usual answer is "my doc is happy" so I'm not complaining.
Are you sure there is two inthere?
Yes there is, I have the ultrasounds to prove it. So I'm not showing much yet. I'm not even half-way through my pregnancy... give it time.
End of question time for now. But really, you know, Pregnancy after Infertility is nerve wrecking enough as it is. I have no use for any of the negative comments/helpful suggestions.
Oh, and before I forget:
We were going to share gender information if we find out. Attitudes of several people around us have lead me to reconsider this. We might find out tomorrow...... but that'll be it. The rest can wait until they are born.
A few things before I go and have breakfast:
Lastly:
As I said, pregnancy after infertility is nervewrecking in many many ways. Tomorrow we have our 19 week scan when we find out if the bubs are developing ok. You know, its scary stuff. I'm not showing much, not feeling much movement at all. I've been worried for weeks if everything is going ok. The comments of (some) people are Not Helping. There is only so much self-reassurance one can do before it starts to get weird.
I'll keep y'all posted
Agnes
I find it weird. I'm still me, yet in the minds of so many I seem to be reduced to some kind of incubator. I'm not going to name names inhere, (and those who've heard me bitch know what I'm talking about) but there are elements in our lives that seem to think they can start making decisions about all manner of things pertaining to these babies. I.Think.Not. I'm still me, I'm still the same 'ol Agnes who does have an oppinion on things and who is quite capable of taking care of things herself and has been for quite some time.
I've been warned by fellow pregnoids that the larger my tummy gets (and its not very large at all at the moment, actually I'm barely showing at all) I will get strangers come up to me and touch it. I've decided that anyone whom I don't want touching me, who uninvitedly goes for my tummy can expect to have their boobs groped. I'll report back on the reactions I get when that happens.
Ok, I'll answer a few of the more common questions I've been getting:
Do you know what you are having?
Yep- last check two babies. Confirmed by several ultrasounds.
What would you like to have?
Again, two babies. I'd be terribly dissapointed if they turned out to be puppies. Besides that, I'd love to have a winning lottery ticket in my pocket and all the stuff others want. What I find odd is that people seem to think having a boy and a girl is somehow better than two boys or two girls. I truly don't care, as long as they are healthy and even if they are not, we will still love them.
How are the twins?
Both sets are fine thanks :) (No I'm not having quads, but for years people have referred to my chest as "the twins" aswell because I"m reasonably well endowed)
Oh you're not showing much. Are you sure everything is ok?
[sarcasm]Hmm, I think you should go and work in pre-natal care. You seem to be able to make all sorts of diagnosis based on visual observation, without any medical training. It would be soo much cheaper.[/sarcasm]
My usual answer is "my doc is happy" so I'm not complaining.
Are you sure there is two inthere?
Yes there is, I have the ultrasounds to prove it. So I'm not showing much yet. I'm not even half-way through my pregnancy... give it time.
End of question time for now. But really, you know, Pregnancy after Infertility is nerve wrecking enough as it is. I have no use for any of the negative comments/helpful suggestions.
Oh, and before I forget:
We were going to share gender information if we find out. Attitudes of several people around us have lead me to reconsider this. We might find out tomorrow...... but that'll be it. The rest can wait until they are born.
A few things before I go and have breakfast:
- I'm not the only one who is expecting... so is Duane
- No Pink For Girls Aspecially no soft pinks *shudders*
- We Don't Do Stereotypes. So if 'anyone' feels the need to buy baby boys a footy... don't hold back if we are having one or more girls
Lastly:
As I said, pregnancy after infertility is nervewrecking in many many ways. Tomorrow we have our 19 week scan when we find out if the bubs are developing ok. You know, its scary stuff. I'm not showing much, not feeling much movement at all. I've been worried for weeks if everything is going ok. The comments of (some) people are Not Helping. There is only so much self-reassurance one can do before it starts to get weird.
I'll keep y'all posted
Agnes
15 February 2008
My very first post
Well, I guess there is a first for everything. So here is my first post.
Yes I will post updates on the develoment of the twins, but really, this would be an extremely boring blog if that was all I talked about. There will be other things discussed, I'm not sure what yet, and I won't promise it won't be boring either. I'll try to pretty it up sometime in the next few weeks or so (when I feel like it). Let me know what you think :)
I might be inclined to share some of my photos. I haven't really gone out and taken any more for quite a while so maybe I should start that again. I guess I'll be mentioning things like our house, activities, and just anything that tickles my fancy.
For the dutch public reading this: I am intending to have both a dutch and an english version of this blog, once I work out how to have two blogs on the same page.....
Take care and cya
Agnes
Yes I will post updates on the develoment of the twins, but really, this would be an extremely boring blog if that was all I talked about. There will be other things discussed, I'm not sure what yet, and I won't promise it won't be boring either. I'll try to pretty it up sometime in the next few weeks or so (when I feel like it). Let me know what you think :)
I might be inclined to share some of my photos. I haven't really gone out and taken any more for quite a while so maybe I should start that again. I guess I'll be mentioning things like our house, activities, and just anything that tickles my fancy.
For the dutch public reading this: I am intending to have both a dutch and an english version of this blog, once I work out how to have two blogs on the same page.....
Take care and cya
Agnes
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