[note: I started writing this a while ago.... twins keep me busy and I haven't been able to finish this until now, more posts to follow]
So, The girls are 3 weeks and 2 days old and today (18-jun) they have reached their 'full-term' mark. If I were still pregnant, today I would be 40 wks. I thought this was a nice point to do a bit of a stock-take on my experiences over the last three weeks.
What did I expect parenthood/motherhood to be like? I didn't really have any expectations at all. I just had a few preconceived notions I guess which ofcourse were way off. I'll try to explain. There are people who think that getting married will fullfill them in life, that somehow the act of saying "I do", dressing up, being the centre of attention will cause some profound change and all-of-a-sudden life is much better. This is one of those things which is hard to put to words. I never really felt that way about getting married, but with all the troubles we've had falling pregnant I had put motherhood on a kind of pedistole, it had become this unatainable ideal. I don't know what I expected it to 'do' for me, but I thought there would be the filling of a void inside me. Reality is different. For starters, I don't have a void to fill, I'm still myself with all the good and bad bits.
I'll dispell a few myths surrounding motherhood:
You take one look at your baby and you will be in love straight away.
So not true. That first look is totally surreal, it took me a good week before I even beleived that our girls actually were coming home with me, and even now, it sometimes feels like we have two strangers in the house with us.
You will just 'know' what your baby needs
Again, not true. The amount of times in the last few weeks Duane and I have been near or in tears because we couldn't figure out why either one of them was crying are plenty.
Breastfeeding is easier than bottle feeding
No Way. It is hard, even once the latching on thing has been worked out. You never know if the babies are getting enough feed, Do they need a top-up or not? how do you work it out? again, this is where this elusive "mums just know" instinct seems to be lacking totally.
I know when I started writing this post (about a week or so ago) there were a lot of other points I wanted to de-myth but I can't remember what they were.
Really, I think that motherhood grows on people. It is not an automatic thing. The first weeks seem easy now, they are now nearly 5 weeks old (tomorrow) and it is getting harder to keep going. They are starting to 'interact' with their environment more, but they are not showing signs of recognition.
It is hard when you are unable to settle them when they are upset and you can't figure out why. It is now 9:50 pm and I'm waiting for the next feed to start so I can go to bed afterwards. I'm fighting to keep my eyes open. Yet I can't imagine our lives without these two girls.
I'll post more photos on flickr in a while. I've been too busy to sort through them.
Take care all,
Agnes
16 July 2008
08 July 2008
Sleeping like a baby
Well, whomever came up with the expression "sleeping like a baby" meaning being totally out of it and 'dead-to-the-world' obviously hasn't closely observed a baby sleeping. They are Noisy. They cry, splutter, cough and snore.
On the subject of sleeping babies, Duane and I are rather excited today:
We've been trying to change their routine to something more managable for us since last Thursday. Emma has been sleeping to the new schedule for two days in a row now, and last night Caitlin did too. Caitlin didn't wake up for more food night before last, but instead because she had really dirty nappies. So, after changing them right after the feed and putting them back to bed they now settle in their own bed and sleep 4 hours consecutive at night. We're horribly impressed :) (and rather happy... never thought 3.5 hrs of uninterupted sleep would be such a luxury... ever)
On the subject of sleeping babies, Duane and I are rather excited today:
We've been trying to change their routine to something more managable for us since last Thursday. Emma has been sleeping to the new schedule for two days in a row now, and last night Caitlin did too. Caitlin didn't wake up for more food night before last, but instead because she had really dirty nappies. So, after changing them right after the feed and putting them back to bed they now settle in their own bed and sleep 4 hours consecutive at night. We're horribly impressed :) (and rather happy... never thought 3.5 hrs of uninterupted sleep would be such a luxury... ever)
05 July 2008
Part 3 - I'm a mama - Feeding schedules, twins and (in)sanity
Ok, the last post in this series is about our experiences at home in the last few days.
In the childrens hospital they put us on a feeding schedule of feeding the twins every 3 hours. If they managed to drink at the breast for 10 minutes or less they got a "half-top-up" via their Nasal Gastric Tube and if they drank for longer than 15 they didn't need a top-up at all. After every feed I was expressing, as this is the milk used for the top-ups.
The nurses took care of the 3 am feeds.
Going home, we were send home with the same schedule and we tried to maintain this. however, instead of top-ups via the tube, we were topping up using bottles.
Feeding times:
6 am
9 am
12 pm
3 pm
6 pm
9 pm
12 am
3 am
Every feed would be approximately 15-20 minutes per baby and 20 - 30 minutes for expressing. This meant that I got about 1 - 1.5 hrs sleep inbetween feeds at a maximum and only if the babies settled down straight after a feed. The latter ofcourse hardly happened, and besides that, you have to clean, prepare, cook, eat etc.
Needless to say by Wednesay both Duane and I were ready to crack. Les & Ruth, Duanes parents came to help us on Wednesday night after a frantic call for help from Duane. We finally got a few hours sleep. I had called Tishan, a friend of ours, earlier to ask if she would mind helping out on Thursday and Friday evening.
On Thursday afternoon the maternal health nurse came out to visit us. She took one look at us, and asked how things were going. We were brutally honest, they were not going good. She started talking about making babies stretch from the 10 pm to the 3 am feed.... I was asking her what happened to the midnight feed. Her look then said it all, and the schedule got completely reworked. We were send home with a 'hospital' schedule, which is fine if you have 3 shifts of 8 hours each covering it. However, for two people, it is enough to drive one insane.
Now our feeding times are different. There are still 8 feeds in the day, but only 2 at night. one at 10pm and one at 2am. Then the next one at 6 am. Quantities in feeds have been increased as well, and i'm now only expressing every other feed or when I'm highly uncomfortable. (I have about 1L of expressed breast-milk in the freezer due to the schedule the hospital sent us home with). Mel joined Tishan and between the two of them they gave Duane and me something extremely valuable to new parents, aspecially new parents of twins: Two full nights sleep.
We're still working on getting the girls used to the new schedule, and tonight is the first time Duane and I are on our own again. It was wonderful to have the help, but it is great to have the house to ourselves again too. We feel a lot more confident now, and hopefully we'll manage to have the girls sleep through to 2 am and then to 6 am which would mean we'd get two stretches of 4 hours sleep :) This is our aim at the moment and I hope we can achieve this in a week.
It is now after 10pm, and both are down after a bath and a feed and so-far-so-good. I'll keep you posted.
In the childrens hospital they put us on a feeding schedule of feeding the twins every 3 hours. If they managed to drink at the breast for 10 minutes or less they got a "half-top-up" via their Nasal Gastric Tube and if they drank for longer than 15 they didn't need a top-up at all. After every feed I was expressing, as this is the milk used for the top-ups.
The nurses took care of the 3 am feeds.
Going home, we were send home with the same schedule and we tried to maintain this. however, instead of top-ups via the tube, we were topping up using bottles.
Feeding times:
6 am
9 am
12 pm
3 pm
6 pm
9 pm
12 am
3 am
Every feed would be approximately 15-20 minutes per baby and 20 - 30 minutes for expressing. This meant that I got about 1 - 1.5 hrs sleep inbetween feeds at a maximum and only if the babies settled down straight after a feed. The latter ofcourse hardly happened, and besides that, you have to clean, prepare, cook, eat etc.
Needless to say by Wednesay both Duane and I were ready to crack. Les & Ruth, Duanes parents came to help us on Wednesday night after a frantic call for help from Duane. We finally got a few hours sleep. I had called Tishan, a friend of ours, earlier to ask if she would mind helping out on Thursday and Friday evening.
On Thursday afternoon the maternal health nurse came out to visit us. She took one look at us, and asked how things were going. We were brutally honest, they were not going good. She started talking about making babies stretch from the 10 pm to the 3 am feed.... I was asking her what happened to the midnight feed. Her look then said it all, and the schedule got completely reworked. We were send home with a 'hospital' schedule, which is fine if you have 3 shifts of 8 hours each covering it. However, for two people, it is enough to drive one insane.
Now our feeding times are different. There are still 8 feeds in the day, but only 2 at night. one at 10pm and one at 2am. Then the next one at 6 am. Quantities in feeds have been increased as well, and i'm now only expressing every other feed or when I'm highly uncomfortable. (I have about 1L of expressed breast-milk in the freezer due to the schedule the hospital sent us home with). Mel joined Tishan and between the two of them they gave Duane and me something extremely valuable to new parents, aspecially new parents of twins: Two full nights sleep.
We're still working on getting the girls used to the new schedule, and tonight is the first time Duane and I are on our own again. It was wonderful to have the help, but it is great to have the house to ourselves again too. We feel a lot more confident now, and hopefully we'll manage to have the girls sleep through to 2 am and then to 6 am which would mean we'd get two stretches of 4 hours sleep :) This is our aim at the moment and I hope we can achieve this in a week.
It is now after 10pm, and both are down after a bath and a feed and so-far-so-good. I'll keep you posted.
Part 2 - I'm a mamma - Special Care & Childrens hospital
So the story continues....
With both Emma and Caitlin in special care Duane was run off his feet. He went back and forth between the hospital and home, between me and special care and doing a marvelous job of it too.
Both girls together in an isolette
Caitlin
Emma
The second night after my C-section I woke up all sore and decided to go for a walk to loosen things up. The night nurse suggested I go down to special care and check out the babies. I was to call her when I wanted to go back so she could come and get me with a wheelchair. I did just that, and it was wonderful. The night staff in special care have far more time for you than the day staff - that is, if the babies are sleeping.
Up until that time I felt like I had to appologise for coming to see my babies, and I had to ask permission to pick them up etc. This nurse got that out of me (more-or-less). It was still all so foreign to me. Those little pieces of human being were aparently mine and Duanes and we were going to take them home at some point.
They were out of their isolettes on the second day, and besides some problems with holding down their food all was going well with them.
Day 3 they were improving even more, holding down their food even better, and even getting increased quotas for their food. Feeding was done through a nasal gastric tube. I also started to try and breast-feed on this day. The breastfeeding saga is long and I won't bore you with it, it is now all in the past, but it was not all easy-peasy.
On thursday we gave the girls their first bath:
Caitlin likes the water :)
And Dad is getting really good at dressing her
Emma doesn't like the bath as much
And getting dressed is definately more fun
On Friday the girls were tranferred to the Mater Childrens Private and Duane and I were rooming in with them. We moved across at approximately 2 pm. With some shuffling and re-arranging of the room we got setup with a workable layout and we were waiting on the lactation consultant who showed only a few minutes later. Lactation consultants are mid-wifes who specialise in teaching new mums how to breastfeed. They are amazing. The girls and I had been trying but with not much luck at all. After the first session with the LC Caitlin and I had an understanding and we could achieve latching on and feeding for approximately 5 minutes. Emma could latch but the feeding thing wasn't really happening. Both girls got "top-ups" via their nasal gastric tube.
The second day (saturday) the LC came back and introduced nipple shields. We haven't looked back since. Both Emma and Caitlin started feeding, shorter periods of time for Emma than Caitlin, but she is the smaller one after all.
One thing we (us and the girls) had to learn was how to drink from a bottle, it sounds simple doesn't it? Duane had the first go:
On Monday the pediatrician was happy with their progress and said we could go home. There was only a small matter to look into, Emma had movement in her hipjoint and he wanted to get that checked out. Off to the ultrasound and she behaved amazingly well. She has something called "immature hips". The deviation is minor. 55° is considered "normal". Her left hip alignment is 54.6° and her right hip alignment is 56.2°. There is a chance that this would resolve over time on its own, but to be on the safe size, the orthopedic surgeon and pediatrician decided to place Emma in a brace for 6 weeks. This is a velcro contraption which keep her legs in a frog-like posture. She can still move a little bit and is annoyed about the restrictions. She is getting used to it and becoming more herself again
With both Emma and Caitlin in special care Duane was run off his feet. He went back and forth between the hospital and home, between me and special care and doing a marvelous job of it too.
Both girls together in an isolette
Caitlin
Emma
The second night after my C-section I woke up all sore and decided to go for a walk to loosen things up. The night nurse suggested I go down to special care and check out the babies. I was to call her when I wanted to go back so she could come and get me with a wheelchair. I did just that, and it was wonderful. The night staff in special care have far more time for you than the day staff - that is, if the babies are sleeping.
Up until that time I felt like I had to appologise for coming to see my babies, and I had to ask permission to pick them up etc. This nurse got that out of me (more-or-less). It was still all so foreign to me. Those little pieces of human being were aparently mine and Duanes and we were going to take them home at some point.
They were out of their isolettes on the second day, and besides some problems with holding down their food all was going well with them.
Day 3 they were improving even more, holding down their food even better, and even getting increased quotas for their food. Feeding was done through a nasal gastric tube. I also started to try and breast-feed on this day. The breastfeeding saga is long and I won't bore you with it, it is now all in the past, but it was not all easy-peasy.
On thursday we gave the girls their first bath:
Caitlin likes the water :)
And Dad is getting really good at dressing her
Emma doesn't like the bath as much
And getting dressed is definately more fun
On Friday the girls were tranferred to the Mater Childrens Private and Duane and I were rooming in with them. We moved across at approximately 2 pm. With some shuffling and re-arranging of the room we got setup with a workable layout and we were waiting on the lactation consultant who showed only a few minutes later. Lactation consultants are mid-wifes who specialise in teaching new mums how to breastfeed. They are amazing. The girls and I had been trying but with not much luck at all. After the first session with the LC Caitlin and I had an understanding and we could achieve latching on and feeding for approximately 5 minutes. Emma could latch but the feeding thing wasn't really happening. Both girls got "top-ups" via their nasal gastric tube.
The second day (saturday) the LC came back and introduced nipple shields. We haven't looked back since. Both Emma and Caitlin started feeding, shorter periods of time for Emma than Caitlin, but she is the smaller one after all.
One thing we (us and the girls) had to learn was how to drink from a bottle, it sounds simple doesn't it? Duane had the first go:
On Monday the pediatrician was happy with their progress and said we could go home. There was only a small matter to look into, Emma had movement in her hipjoint and he wanted to get that checked out. Off to the ultrasound and she behaved amazingly well. She has something called "immature hips". The deviation is minor. 55° is considered "normal". Her left hip alignment is 54.6° and her right hip alignment is 56.2°. There is a chance that this would resolve over time on its own, but to be on the safe size, the orthopedic surgeon and pediatrician decided to place Emma in a brace for 6 weeks. This is a velcro contraption which keep her legs in a frog-like posture. She can still move a little bit and is annoyed about the restrictions. She is getting used to it and becoming more herself again
Part 1 - I'm a mamma - the Birth
Oh boy, do I have a lot to tell you. First of all, for those who haven't read Duanes blog yet, or received any of his emails (or mine) or a birth notice......
Caitlin Yvette and Emma Sophie were born on the 23rd of June 2008.
I'll add a link with photos later, I still have to go through those and haven't had time yet.
OK back to the story. It has all gone so fast, yet at the time it all seemed to be very overwhelming, hec, it still is. We checked in the hospital at 6:45 on the 23rd for a 9 am c-section. Got ready, and went off to surgery. The Anestesists name was Frank and he was absolutely brilliant. Well, the spinal worked great so thats good, but besides that, he kept me up-to-date with what was going on on the other side of the curtain. As a side note, after the spinal was placed I got really nervous and scared. Frank then proceeded to tell me exactly what was going on, letting me know when the skin was opened, when the uterus was opened etc, explaining all the noises I was hearing and his talking kept me calm as I was totally focussing on what he was saying. I kept looking for Duane too, who was told to park his rear-end in a chair but wanted to see what was going on and kept looking over the curtain. The most memorable phrase from him: "I can't see anything honey, there are too many hands in the way..." This was before Caitlin was born.
I remember asking "head-first or feet-first" when they told me baby no 1 was on her way. They told me "head first"... they must have thought it an odd question, but we had already named the babies beforehand and seeing one was head down and one was breach... it was kinda important to us.
So Caitlin was born at 9:15, and Emma followed a little later at 9:16. They used forceps to deliver Emma, and the little bugger was holding her breath so she was whisked away fast to get her to breathe. Both babies were a lot smaller than expected. On the last scan we had (35 wks) both babies were calculated at approximately 2400 grams. A week later, they should have both been over 2.5 kgs, however Caitlin weighed 2265 gr and Emma only 1945 gr. Because of that, and because they had problems staying warm and my gestational diabetes, the girls were send to Special Care. Duane was quite torn whether to stay with me or his daughters.
I told him to stay with them so off he went. I got to see the girls for a quick few seconds, and got to kiss both of them.
At 9:50 I was wheeled into recovery and regulary a nurse/mid-wife came and gave me updates. According to her Duane was a natural and spend a lot of time caring for his daughters. I was alone in recovery, and feeling it. It was a bit of an anti-climax. I just had two babies, and here I was, on a bed, not being able to move my legs and alone and listening to other parents who were together and had their babies with them. The nurse/mid-wife told me I was going to be allowed to see my girls on the way to the ward. The nurse who came to collect me wasn't too happy about that but did allow a quick de-tour to special care. I was there for less than a minute according to Duane. I got to see and touch one of them, but only her back as they had placed both babies in the same isolette and I couldn't get up to look at them propperly.
Off to the ward I went. Duane followed a little later. He told me that the girls were meant to come out of the isolettes later that afternoon and that they could come and visit me if they were ok in their little cots. Unfortunately they didn't do too well out of the isolettes and couldn't come to me. I had a drip and a catheter and wasn't allowed off the ward so I couldn't visit them.
So approximately 24 hours after giving birth, I finally got to hold one of my babies. The other one had just been fed so I had to wait until just before her next feed to be allowed a cuddle there.
My first cuddle with Emma
Finally, both my girls are in my arms
and all of us together
Caitlin Yvette and Emma Sophie were born on the 23rd of June 2008.
I'll add a link with photos later, I still have to go through those and haven't had time yet.
OK back to the story. It has all gone so fast, yet at the time it all seemed to be very overwhelming, hec, it still is. We checked in the hospital at 6:45 on the 23rd for a 9 am c-section. Got ready, and went off to surgery. The Anestesists name was Frank and he was absolutely brilliant. Well, the spinal worked great so thats good, but besides that, he kept me up-to-date with what was going on on the other side of the curtain. As a side note, after the spinal was placed I got really nervous and scared. Frank then proceeded to tell me exactly what was going on, letting me know when the skin was opened, when the uterus was opened etc, explaining all the noises I was hearing and his talking kept me calm as I was totally focussing on what he was saying. I kept looking for Duane too, who was told to park his rear-end in a chair but wanted to see what was going on and kept looking over the curtain. The most memorable phrase from him: "I can't see anything honey, there are too many hands in the way..." This was before Caitlin was born.
I remember asking "head-first or feet-first" when they told me baby no 1 was on her way. They told me "head first"... they must have thought it an odd question, but we had already named the babies beforehand and seeing one was head down and one was breach... it was kinda important to us.
So Caitlin was born at 9:15, and Emma followed a little later at 9:16. They used forceps to deliver Emma, and the little bugger was holding her breath so she was whisked away fast to get her to breathe. Both babies were a lot smaller than expected. On the last scan we had (35 wks) both babies were calculated at approximately 2400 grams. A week later, they should have both been over 2.5 kgs, however Caitlin weighed 2265 gr and Emma only 1945 gr. Because of that, and because they had problems staying warm and my gestational diabetes, the girls were send to Special Care. Duane was quite torn whether to stay with me or his daughters.
I told him to stay with them so off he went. I got to see the girls for a quick few seconds, and got to kiss both of them.
At 9:50 I was wheeled into recovery and regulary a nurse/mid-wife came and gave me updates. According to her Duane was a natural and spend a lot of time caring for his daughters. I was alone in recovery, and feeling it. It was a bit of an anti-climax. I just had two babies, and here I was, on a bed, not being able to move my legs and alone and listening to other parents who were together and had their babies with them. The nurse/mid-wife told me I was going to be allowed to see my girls on the way to the ward. The nurse who came to collect me wasn't too happy about that but did allow a quick de-tour to special care. I was there for less than a minute according to Duane. I got to see and touch one of them, but only her back as they had placed both babies in the same isolette and I couldn't get up to look at them propperly.
Off to the ward I went. Duane followed a little later. He told me that the girls were meant to come out of the isolettes later that afternoon and that they could come and visit me if they were ok in their little cots. Unfortunately they didn't do too well out of the isolettes and couldn't come to me. I had a drip and a catheter and wasn't allowed off the ward so I couldn't visit them.
So approximately 24 hours after giving birth, I finally got to hold one of my babies. The other one had just been fed so I had to wait until just before her next feed to be allowed a cuddle there.
My first cuddle with Emma
Finally, both my girls are in my arms
and all of us together
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