13 May 2010

Lucas is nearly 4 months now - Update long overdue

Birth story

So, because of my gestational diabetes and a few other factors (my hips were giving out on me in a Big Way) Lucas' birth was induced. The induction was started at 6:30 am, and by 3 pm I was about 2 cm dialated and Lucas' heartbeat was starting to slow every contraction. The midwife was certain it would take us to well after midnight and the discussion started to revolve around whether Lucas would become more distressed in that time. We then made the call that it would be better to get a not-so-emergency-emergency-c-section rather than pushing through and have a high probability of ending up with an "baby-has-to-be-born-in-2-minutes"-emergency c-section. By this time it was about 5pm.

We were supposed to be the next ones to go to theatre, and were expected to be in by 6pm. At about 7:15 I was taken to theatre, and at about 8pm Lucas was born. He was doing great from the first minute :) The first thing Duane said to me: "He has hair hun!, He has a full head of hair". As they were checking him out, Duane wouldn't leave my side. I told him to go to his son. Then the midwife brought Lucas out to me and I got to hold him. The idea was that I was to keep him in my arms until I was wheeled to recovery where I could start feeding him.

Ofcourse - as everyone who knows me knows - nothing is that simple: About 2 or 3 minutes after they gave me Lucas I said "That hurts!". (this was not a little hurt either). Oh no, people said, it is just some pulling you are feeling, which feels a bit weird, it is not actual pain. I'm like "this sure as hec is pain! and its worse than the contractions - oh and I can move my legs". Which I then proved by lifting one leg up off the operating table. The anestesist said "You can too, shit, you shouldn't do that". My response "Ok" and I put my leg back down. I asked the midwife to take Lucas as I was affraid I'd drop him when the pain got real bad. She took him and Duane to the recovery room, They put something else in my drip and I got a mask with oxygen. Then getting through the rest of my c-section is a bit of a blur. I remember the pain, vaguely. I know I was really out of it and boy it hurted.
What ended up happening - My spinal had stopped working halfway through the procedure. Not Pleasant at all.

Once I was closed up they wheeled me to the recovery room high on as many pain meds as the anestesist was happy to give me. They I got Lucas back, Duane was there ofcourse holding his son with the silliest grin on his face. I vaguely remember him being on the phone at the time. Tried to put Lucas on the breast - big hit for my little fella, He had a good 20 minute suckle.

Due to the meds I was given I was under close observation for the next 6 hours. Sent Duane home to get some sleep and I got to spend a magical first night with Lucas. It is amazing how great that is. I loved every minute of it. So different from the birth of the girls where I could see them for about a minute and then had to go straight to the ward and be on my own for the better part of 24 hours...

We were sent home on Friday. I was back in hospital on Saturday with a wound infection... When Lucas was 5 weeks he was admitted with bronchialitis and we're still battling upper respiratory problems for him but otherwise he is doing GREAT.

I'll update more in a later post :)

23 March 2010

30 weeks and counting

30 weeks today. 10 weeks to go. Hows things been so far? Good I guess, nothing wrong with baby as far as we know. This pregnancy has been a lot harder on me than the previous one. I've been feeling like crap most of the time since the middle of my second trimester. I've got sciatic nerve pain bilaterally. My hips are kept together by a big elastic band to allow me to walk. I've got gestational diabetes again (no big deal really since I started insulin again - MUCH easier). The "pregnancy hyperventilation" never went away. oh, lets not forget pregnancy insomnia.

I'll have another scan at 32 weeks because I've got the placenta in front and low. They'll determine if I'll be allowed to give birth vaginally based on the results of that scan. It should be ok. The placenta was clear of the cervical opening at 20 weeks, just right up against it. It needs to have moved a little more for comfort.

Emotionally I'm barely hanging inthere tho. There is no option, I HAVE to keep it together. I just wish I could be happy about the pregnancy and enjoy it. I don't. I'm angry about it in so many ways and it is really hard to explain why, even to myself.

I'm angry because of the years of heartache we went through trying to have kids. Having the girls is wonderful and now this. This Is Not Wonderful. Frankly, This Sucks. The attitude from others who are now behaving asif nothing that has gone before matters anymore because "You did it on your own now, so everything is ok". I'm sorry, it isn't. We lost 3 angels. 3 babies we could have loved and cared for. 3 babies I still grieve for every day. This pregnancy feels like a slap in the face in so many ways.

My age. I don't want to be "an older mother" but life and circumstance has denied me any other option. Falling pregnant unexpectedly at 37 when trying to keep up with two toddlers is a joke. an F'in joke.

I really dislike how others seem to 'know' what is right for our family. How judgemental etc people are about things. "Just do XYZ". Well, maybe there is a reason why we are not doing that.

The timing. There are great things happening at work. Changes, exciting stuff. I want to be a part of this, I don't want to go on maternity leave. Unfortuantely I don't have an option as I don't think crossing my legs will do the trick.....

Oh, and while I'm at it: Everyone seems to think that it would be such a great thing for us to have a little boy because we already have two girls. I have news: We.Don't.Care. In fact, it would be so much easier to have another girl: We have plenty of clothes for that model

Which is probably why we're having problems deciding on names. With the girls we had that sorted out well before we even made it to 12 weeks. It was so important to me at the time for them to have a name, have an identity before they were potentially lost to us (which didn't happen). Yet with this one, we don't seem to like any of the names we see, boy or girl names....

The list goes on and on...

With the girls Things have been so much better since Caitlin got her toncils removed in December. They have been much healthier and happier as a result. They are now 21 months old (3 months until their 2nd birthday). Last friday we started them sleeping in toddler beds. We have to get that done well in time for the birth as one of their beds will move to the nursery and I had to get them into todller beds to be able to do that (They slept in convertible cots, so we bought 1 toddler bed of similar dimensions - only one size bedding). The first night was a bit of a challenge, but they have gone to bed without problems at night since. I'm so proud of them .
They are totally adorable. They are starting to talk simple words etc. Well, not entirely true. Caitlin has one word sentences which are clearly enunciated.
Emma speaks with full sentence structures, including punctuation. We just haven't figured out what language yet. She also seems to do something weird.

Picture of a dog in a book
me: "That is a dog"
Caitlin: "Dog" (or "puppy")
Emma "God"

she does that to a number of words. She seems to start at the last sound she hears and then work backwards resulting into her pronouncing words backwards. I'm totally not certain what to make of that. She does eventually get it right, but really it is so weird. I'm not concerned about it, kids learn things in different ways but really - this is one I did not expect

People ask me what the girls think of mama having a baby in her tummy. I don't think they care too much either way. It is far more interesting to them now that I'm in my 3rd trimester and my innie has become an outie...

I don't think potty training is too far into our future - wee and poo are favorite terms in our household. They are fascinated by the toilet. Caitlin wants to wash her hands every time she sees a sink and will throw a full-blown tantrum when she is not allowed to do so. Actually - she is getting really good at this tantrum thing. She'll bang her head against the wall if she doesnt' get her way and scream. I just tell her to calm down and come mama for a cuddle when she gets it out of her system and I walk away.

There is more, but not that important, and really neither is any of this.