The privacy of pregnancy

Today is a weird day. Its not been an extremely joyous day, I've been grumpy, annoyed with myself, sad... lots of bad emotions. That was kinda triggered by this barbeque we went to yesterday. I'll try and explain.

We were invited via Duanes parents to attend a bbq at a cousins place. We like the family, and don't mind attending the occasional social gathering so we went. We were looking forward to it. Mind you, we don't have all that much in common with Duanes cousins. Not that that is a bad thing, just we have different interests I guess. Everyone knows how much trouble we've had falling pregnant, and ofcourse anyone who is expecting twins is public property. Its an easy topic of discussion. This is where it gets weird, and probably what took me all day to figure out. I didn't want to talk about the pregnancy. I was happy to discuss anything else. I just didn't feel comfortable sharing anything about it at that point in time. I heard Ruth say something about breast & bottle feeding to someone and that made me feel rather awkward. I totally didn't get my reaction, and have been sooo annoyed by it (my reaction). Ofcourse she is excited, she is becoming a grandmother, and ofcourse she wants to share.... and I'm more than fine with that. better that than the opposite, really. Mind you, this is not the first time I've clammed up about it in public. There have been other social gatherings where I was just totally stand off-ish about the whole thing. The line "I don't wish to discuss this at this point in time" has been used by myself on more than one occasion. (I didn't yesterday and didn't have to at all. There were some references, which were fine but no one really raised the topic at all so I have no real idea why I felt so uncomfortable)

Anyway, fast forward to this evening. I think I've figured it out.... kinda....
This pregnancy is on my mind a lot. Hec, since these two have started moving around its been hard not to think about it honestly. I love talking about it to those whom I feel close to. It is something so intrinsicly personal I am uncomfortable talking about it to people I don't know and/or trust. When it comes to unfamiliar people, I clam up, I get all protective and 'assertive'.

Most people fall pregnant in the privacy of their own bedroom. There are two people involved. For us there is not much privacy involved with the whole falling pregnant thing. Hec, I often jokingly say that for us it is a team effort.
I guess that after all the 'public' prodding and poking I have a far greater need to be selective about what I share with whom. I've never been an overly private person as my friends and family can attest to *grins*. I guess this pregnancy brings out a slightly different side in me.

And again, I fly in the face of tradition. A pregnant woman is after-all public property, and a pregnancy should be discussed in all gory detail etc right? Not my thing I guess.
Same thing with people telling me I can't 'do' something just because I'm pregnant. Thats not a reason. I know my body, I know my limits better than ANYONE. And I truly wish that people would get it into their thick skulls that I still have a fully functional brain and that neither myself nor Duane will do anything to put these babies at risk. However, that does not turn me into some kind of couch potato, I still have a life to lead and damn if I don't. There is more to life than being pregnant, and its not all there is to it at the moment, eventhough it does take up a large part of it.